


Summer in the Big Brother House

by xandervonodd



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Big Brother, CMBYN - Freeform, Feelings Realization, Flirting, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Build, Slow Burn, but like... it's gonna take a minute yall, cosmic slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandervonodd/pseuds/xandervonodd
Summary: Timothee is an astrophysics grad and goes into the Big Brother house to make sure he has the money to pursue his career goals. Little does he know this will be the rockiest summer of his life.





	1. Week 1

"Enjoy your summer, houseguests!"

Those were the last words I heard from Julie Chen as the thunderous applause dimmed and reality begins to set in that I was in the Big Brother house. I grew up on this show, it's one of my reality television staples so actually being here was quite the mind fuck for me. But I couldn't get too awestruck, I need that check at the end. I just graduated from NYU two weeks before entering this house and my student loan deferment is only going to last until just about the end of this competition. 

I was very nervous about how I was going to play this game. I'm not exactly a social butterfly type. People do tend to flock to me since I'm skinny and have a sharp jawline but I have a nasty habit of not being able to hide my indifference for most people. That tends to drive them away. I did do a lot of reading on human interaction and forming bonds with people, though. It was as boring and lifeless as one could imagine.

We entered the house in two groups of five and I was the final person to walk in. I made sure to plop my bag down in the open bedroom, there were five beds in that one and while I greatly value my privacy I know I'm going to have to switch up a lot of my usual real-life actions to make sure I remained in the middle of things here. I made sure to shake hands firmly and smile at everyone I saw, two of the girls here were already blushing the moment I walked up to them. 

"Houseguests! Please report to the living room!" Chenbot hollered over the television. "Hope you are all settling in nicely. I am proud to announce this will be a back to basics season! HOH and POV rules are still in effect but we have decided to completely scale back on the twists and we're going to rest everything on your shoulders. Enjoy the rest of your day!"

Oh thank god, knowing this would be a simple season made all of us a lot more comfortable, I'm sure. 

"Hey, I'm Armie. Don't think we've met yet."  
"Hello," I extended my hand and got a firm shake in return, "I'm Timothee."  
"Nice to meet you. Sorry about the late introduction, there's just so many damn people here."  
"Oh yeah, it's pretty intense. Feels like I'm still in class doing icebreakers," I replied.  
"God, those were the worst, weren't they? Everyone awkwardly trying to one-up each other."

I could tell he was working me. Already flexing his social skills but my goal for this first week is to get in good graces with everyone and naturally fall into whatever majority alliance may form. 

"You haven't seen awkward until you've seen students trying to compare their vacations to cosmic entities, it was so odd."  
"What did you study, Timothee?"  
"Astrophysics," that's not a lie either. I'm an astrophysics grad.  
"Holy shit," he looked genuinely stunned.  
"Did I throw you threw a loop already, Armie?"  
"That you did. I expected you to say film or writing or something."  
"Nah. I like to look at the stars."  
"Smart kid, guess I'll have to keep an eye on you."  
"I promise not to disappoint."

I didn't want anyone looking at me too early so I cut our conversation right there with a smile and headed to the backyard where it looked like the group was moving. I settled into the corner spot of the couch because I knew people would naturally flock to that area. Marzia, Chiara, Simon, and Bex were the first to find their spots near me and a comfortable conversation came between us. We were all in the same general age group so we found it easy to shoot the shit with each other. Armie quickly joined us and fit with us like a perfectly tailored suit. 

Bex was the obnoxious one of the group. He had a certain overzealousness that I immediately sniffed out but that made him a great player to hide behind while he took all the bullets. Chiara was a typical "edgy" girl, someone that would definitely ruffle feathers as her attitude wasn't exactly what I would call smooth. She appeared to be someone that wanted to belong because she never did before, there was an air of desperation about her. The type of player you constantly give positive reinforcement so they do your bidding and you toss them when you're done or sit next to them at the end and silently laugh as they completely torpedo their own game. I made sure to laugh and make eye contact at all her jokes. I could tell by her hand grazing my knee every occasionally that she was in favor of my behavior. 

Marzia and Simon were pretty levelheaded, I first thought they could be trouble but they seem like two normal humans who would just go with the flow. They scare you at first because of how easy it is for them to be social but then you realize there's no intent behind the socializations and therefore, they can't weaponize it. Easy fodder to get rid of down the road. 

"So what are you going to miss the most from home, Timothee?" Armie asked, plopping down next to me.  
"My gravity blanket."  
"The hell is a gravity blanket?"  
"Just a really heavy blanket. I like to have weight on me when I sleep."  
"Sounds like you're gonna need to find yourself a snuggle buddy then," he responded.  
"Alright y'all, don't all volunteer at once!"

They all laughed. Idiots. 

"I feel like we have a pretty nice group here," Bex piped in. We all nodded in agreement.  
"Is there anyone in particular that has rubbed you guys the wrong way?" asked Marzia.  
"Peter," Bex replied. "He doesn't seem like someone that will really fit. I think he could be an easy boot."  
"Works for me," I said. The rest of the group fell in line without any objections.  
"Squad," Armie said in a hilariously ironic stern tone, "let's get back in the house and mingle with the others. We've been out here together for a little minute now."

And, of course, we all obliged and marched in like soldiers. If Bex was going to be the body then it appeared that Armie was positioning himself as the brains. However, it's still the first day so there's plenty of situations that can play out from this. 

The rest of the night played out without any hitch. The majority had been formed and I felt like the core of that majority was Bex, Armie and myself. But I made sure my hooks were planted in Chiara, Marzia, and Simon as well. My strategy going forward was to be completely protected on all sides regardless of where the chips fell. I didn't feel the need to make myself everyone's go to guy but I wanted to at least make sure nobody was going to put me last on their respective lists. I even made sure to have one on one talks periphery players Peter, Angela, Olivia, and Emma. None of them really stood out but I sensed a seductive spirit brewing with Olivia. I remember weirdly laughing with her more times than I could count and I walked away from our conversation wanting to pull her into the group but I feel that I was merely debris orbiting in her gravity. She might be a fun one to battle with. 

 

"This game is rigged!" Bex hollered.  
"Bullshit!" Olivia fired back.  
"Nope! I'm over it, whatever!"

Why is charades always such an intense game? Production supplied us with some beer and wine to celebrate our first night in the house and we were all in the backyard doing a friendly game of charades, even though it at times sounded a bit harsher than it needed to be. I was back in the corner spot of the couch enjoying the show and quietly scoping out any possible relationships in the game that I needed to be aware of. Marzia and Simon were clearly going to be the showmance of the season but that wasn't new information to me. Peter was making effort to integrate himself into the group but it just wasn't connecting, the poor guy was a fish out of water. Olivia quickly emerged as someone with a strong personality and quick wit, I took a very nice liking to her.

In my quiet observations, I found my head was resting on Armie's chest rather than the back of the couch like I thought it was. His arm was tossed around me and he seemed completely comfortable with me. I won't lie and say the feeling wasn't mutual. He's the absolute most handsome and charming guy in this house and there was a certain vibe to him that I found alluring. 

The specs of light in the sky grew brighter against the dark background. One thing I hated about city life was the absence of stars in the sky. There's nothing more beautiful than being somewhere so remote, so devoid of interference and getting an actual look at the universe above. It is the most humbling yet inspiring sight any human can see and it's why I do what I do. I look at the stars to ground myself.

"You all good, Tim?" Armie snapped me out of my daze.  
"Yes, I'm fine, why?"  
"The last person to play with my fingers the way you just did was my ex-girlfriend."  
"Oh fuck, I'm sorry." He chuckled at me and I blushed like a school girl. "I was just looking at the stars."  
"You must really love it up there."  
"I'll never come down."  
"Can you meet me half way at least?"  
"You've got nowhere to go but up," I replied.

There was a certain level of comfort I got being around Armie that I hadn't found in anyone else. Olivia was pretty close but Armie felt vastly more genuine. So far, all of my conversations and actions in the game had been totally calculated and thought out but with Armie I was more off the cuff, spontaneous, and not processing every word and tic like a maniacal robot. 

"Attention houseguests! Report to the living room!" A toneless voice rang over the speakers.

A letter was on the coffee table waiting for us: Hello houseguests, for your first HOH competition things will be simple. We've carefully hidden 30 keys throughout the house. Whoever finds the most keys within 30 minutes will be HOH. We have also hidden a POV key that can be exchanged for the power of HOH. The HOH will decide their nominees tonight and then the vote will begin immediately after.

Once the half hour of destroying the house was finally done Armie emerged victorious with most keys while Bex had the POV key. They quickly decided there would be no exchange. Peter and Angela were the nominees and by a unanimous vote, Peter was voted out of the house.

There were no hurt feelings about Peter leaving and Angela took her time as a nominee very graciously. She admitted to not being the most social person in the house and was going to make strides to open herself up more, I didn't care. We're currently on house lockdown as the backyard is converted into another HOH competition.

"Did I do good?" Armie asked. I was chilling by myself in the open bedroom while everyone else was spread out in the house, preparing themselves for another competition.  
"You did fine."  
"I didn't want to win. I swear I just lucked into finding so many keys."  
"Who would you like to see win the next HOH?"  
"You would be my preferred choice."  
"Why me?"  
"Cause I know I won't be going anywhere."

He was right but his confidence was just so brazen. And it's weird because I've watched him speak with everyone else here and he's just a total sweetheart but I swear I'm getting some sort of different treatment here.

"I should win and nominate you just to knock you down a peg," I chucked a pillow at him. He caught it and turned it into his way of finding himself on my bed. "Can I have my pillow back?"  
"I don't know, in your hands, it appears to be a weapon."  
"A big, strong man like you is afraid of little old me and a fluffy pillow?"  
"Afraid isn't the word I would use."  
"What word would you use?"  
"Fascinated."  
"There's not much about me that's fascinating," here I go again letting my guard down.  
"That's because you know all there is to know about you. I'm starting at zero."

Goddamn, I blushed again.


	2. Week 1.5

The final four remaining in the HOH competition were me, Olivia, Angela, and Bex. I didn't see myself hitting the block under any of the under three but I'd be a fool to willingly drop now. It was an endurance competition, a large rope net was set up in the air and all we had to do was hang on. It had been going on since mid-afternoon.

Within an early start of the sixth hour, Olivia's foot fell loose and she hit the plush mats below soon after, thus out of the running. I'm hoping she didn't notice my sigh of relief. We had been getting along great in the house so far but I just had a nagging feeling that I needed to be a bit more wary of her. Bex dropped just a few minutes after. I knew he could have held on longer but it appears he just wanted to beat Olivia, out of everyone in the house they had the least interaction between each other. 

"Tim, you're safe, Tim I swear it."  
"Say it louder."  
"You are safe, Tim! I swear it! I really want to see my kids man," a tinge of sadness in her words.  
"I want to see my mom," the same woman who abandoned me when I was a baby. I just didn't want Angela to think she was the only one who could whip out a family card.  
"On my kids, Tim, you will not be a nominee."  
"On your kids?"  
"On Sarah and Rey, I swear it."

I smiled at her and fell to the mats, giving her the HOH competition. My alliance probably wasn't too thrilled about that but a part of me also didn't even want this win, I still feel like it's too early and most importantly, I felt like Angela didn't have me in her sights. She hopped down screaming for joy and showering me with kisses and hugs. Out in the real world, I would have recoiled in disgust, I hate intense showings of emotion like this, but in here I decided to jump and scream with her. Telling her how great it's going to feel to read the letter from home and how it was going to give her so much strength to move forward in this game. In my head Angela's bags were already packed, waiting for her by the door. She'll be retrieving them soon.

I was tossing around in my bed for most of the night. It was my second night without my gravity blanket and I felt like shit. The covers in here felt almost as bad as prison sheets. I decided to just be still and stare at the ceiling, trying to imagine stars in the sky.

"No way bro I'm not worried," I heard Bex's boisterous bellow from the kitchen.  
"Who do you think she'll nominate?" that was Armie.  
"I've been in her ear all day man, pushing Olivia and Emma. I'm telling her just get them out of here yo' they're gunning for you. Pull the trigger."  
"You think she fell for it?"  
"We're good, man."

Bex is so dumb. I made sure to put some time in with Angela but I made a conscious choice to note float any names into her ears. All I wanted to do was make sure that I was good because I may have an alliance but at the end of the day, I'm good as long as it ain't me. Everything else is just icing on the cake. If pressed right now I could see Angela nominating Bex, I'm not sure who else but he wouldn't surprise me at all. He's quite the abrasive persona. 

"Go to sleep," Armie said walking in towards his bed. It was next to mine, against the wall.   
"I wanted to see you before I did," I smiled.  
"Can't blame you, I am a pretty sight."  
"Pretty disappointing."  
"Whoa, when did my mom get here?"

Funny guy. Charming guy. I rolled over so we weren't facing each other.

"Pssst!"  
"Go to sleep," I told him.  
"You spent all of last night tossing and turning like a mental patient."  
"I'm dying without my blanket."  
"Then come here, loser."  
"You have one?"  
"I'll do you a favor and turn into one."

I stirred on it for a second, not sure if this was going to lead to anything but ultimately went for it.

"Don't get any ideas mister," I ribbed.  
"If I had an idea you'd know it."  
"I already regret this."  
"Wow, you're my mom and my ex-girlfriend!"

He threw his arm around me and pulled in for an embrace tighter than any I've ever had before. In fact, I've never actually cuddled with anyone. My studies consumed my entire life and I didn't even have time to jerk off, couldn't even entertain any guys who were interested. It felt nice being held by him, he only slept in his underwear and so did I. His skin was warm and fuzzy, his abs felt good but not overly chiseled, too. I hate it when guys are basically talking muscles, it looks unnatural to me. Armie was very well toned but still had some meat on his bones, just the kind of guy I would go for if I even had a sliver of time to myself.

Testing the waters I intertwined my fingers with his and there was no pushback on that. He closed his hand around mine and pulled it towards my chest, allowing his body to fall more on mine. His leg swung over mine. His nose buried in my neck. His warm breath constantly hitting me was heart stopping. It felt so good to finally be held by someone, regardless of what their intention may have been.

"Is this a good placeholder for your blanket?" deepening his voice to not wake everyone else up only made him sound even sexier.  
"You're better than I expected."  
"Good."  
"Am I still you're ex-girlfriend?"  
"God no, I never cuddled her like this. Night, Tim."  
"Night, Armie."

When I woke up the bed was empty. I am pretty bummed that I didn't get to wake up to Armie, or that he didn't wake me up but whatever it wasn't the end of the world. I did feel much more refreshed and awake than I did yesterday so Armie's idea of being my gravity blanket hopefully wasn't a one-time affair. This was just the third day of the game after all.

"How'd you sleep, Tim?" Armie asked me as I strolled into the bathroom.  
"Like a baby."  
"You're welcome, baby."  
"You two looked adorable," Olivia chimed in.   
"Mostly me, though, right?" we all laughed.

The remaining nine of us settled around the kitchen table awaiting our first traditional nomination ceremony of the summer. As HOH, Angela would pull the first key of the houseguests and then as they are named they will pull the next key repeating the process until all keys are gone and two people are left without receiving one. Those two would be the nominees of the week. 

Olivia's key was pulled first. Marzia's key followed, then Emma's key. 

"Timothee," she calmly stated. A tidal wave of relief flowed through my veins, I was safe for the week. I pulled the next key, it was Chiara. Simon, Bex, and Armie were each eyeing the last key as if it were a four-course dinner but only one of them would get high from such a feast. 

"Simon," she said.

Armie and Bex had found themselves on the block and they were not too pleased about it. Bex had a gnarly scowl on his face, he sat there huffing his breath, on the verge of an explosion. Armie didn't look too thrilled either but he was doing a much better job at showing sportsmanship. I will say I was pretty surprised with her nominations. Angela gave her reasoning that Bex talks too much and is too bossy and then said she didn't have a good connection with Armie. As the ceremony wrapped up I noticed Angela and Olivia hugged immediately, while Emma stood off to the side barely able to contain her smile. I could hear the three of them passing words of encouragement as I made a dash towards Marzia. 

Olivia got the first key, then Marzia, then Emma. But of those three why was Marzia the only one who didn't run to Angela's embrace after the ceremony? I had a million more thoughts in my head but I needed to center it all before I spun myself into the ball. What I did know, though, was that the game was officially on and alliances and factions were most certainly formed. And not all of them involved me. I followed Marzia out to the hammock.

"So how do you feel about those nominations?" I questioned.   
"Bex I saw coming but why Armie? That was so weird."  
"Who were you expecting?"  
"Emma, definitely Emma. I've never seen those two talk. Does Emma even talk to anyone?"  
"She doesn't really talk to me much."  
"I'm fucking pissed," Chiara proclaimed as she squatted next to us. "Like, what the fuck?"  
"Hopefully one of us can grab the veto," I said.  
"Yea but what if she takes a swing at someone else in our group?"  
"Then we figure out, as a group, who we can take forward and we make sure we crush everyone else. Don't let this frazzle you, Chiara."  
"Dude, fuck. What if it's Simon?" Marzia asked.  
"I want Emma up there. I don't trust her," Chiara whispered. Marzia and I quickly agreed.  
"Game's on," and oh could I hardly contain my glee. "I say we three just lay low for now. Let everyone else approach you and speak first. We can all reconnect as a group later and compare notes, see where everyone's at but for now it'll do us no good to rock the boat."

Later in the day, I found myself in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge trying to figure out what to eat. I weirdly settled on french toast, I love breakfast food. Armie came downstairs from the HOH room, his usual glow still on full display.

"How was your talk with Angela?" I asked.  
"It went great, she really pushed for me to win the veto."  
"That's nice, did you ask her if she'd use it on you?"  
"No, I didn't. I didn't think that's something she'd agree to."  
"Well, start making sure there are people in here that would."  
"Would you use the veto on me, Tim?"  
"Duh, no one else in here would be as good a blanket as you."  
"Glad my plan worked."  
"You were so concerned about me you forgot to make sure you were safe for the week? Solid gameplay, Armie."  
"Hey now smart ass," he flicked a jellybean at me, "I'm not the best at multitasking."  
"Don't count on me to hold your hand all the time, then."  
"Your hands are sweaty anyway."  
"Your everything is sweaty."  
"That didn't seem to be a problem when you were sleeping, Timmy boy."  
"I had my back to you."  
"Just the way I like it so thank you for that but when I woke up," he pointed, "your face found itself on my sweaty chest."  
"Anyway, did she mention any other names to you?"  
"In what way?"  
"Like did she say she made her decisions on her own or did she ever allude to her nominations being a collaborative process?"  
"No, not in a way I can think of, at least."

Think, Armie, just think. And then I got all the confirmation I needed when the gorgeous redhead that was Emma strolled past us and made her way upstairs to the HOH room. Those two were working together and I'd be a fool to think otherwise, I'm sure they also had Olivia in their alliance as well. 

"Those two are working together," I told him.  
"Who do you think they want out?"  
"My first reaction is Bex but I wouldn't be surprised if they were gunning for you."  
"No way, but I haven't done anything yet."  
"You nominated Angela. That's enough reason for her to fire back. Plus you're charming, people in this house like you, Armie. You're a social player, they find that dangerous. Follow me."

I led him into the game room, a small room near the bathroom decorated with dreadfully outdated navy blue and white patterns, each wall containing a different style. There were two adjacent lounge chairs against the walls and massive mirrors above both of them. 

"I want to get you to the next round, Armie."  
"Thank you."  
"But if I'm going to do that I need certain things from you. If I stick my neck out for you what's in it for me?"  
"Next time I win HOH you can pick a nominee or something like that I guess."

Oh no. I think Armie is dumb. Not actually dumb but dumb for this game, not everyone that comes in this house actually knows what they're doing. Even though he seemed to lack game savvy he made up for all of it with his social skills. Hard to believe since he is on the block but at least he was in the top for his own alliance, we were all pretty smitten by him.

"Armie, you stick with me. Me and you, how does that sound? You can win all the competitions you want and charm anyone you want and I'll be the voice in your head letting you know what's good."  
"You're my favorite person in the house."  
"You're my favorite too, so what does that mean going forward."  
"I watch you and you watch me," his confidence was rebounding back.   
"Fantastic. So for today, I need you to just let Bex dig himself a hole. Encourage him to be impulsive and dumb if you need to. How's your relationship with Olivia?"  
"Pretty good I think, we talk sometimes."  
"Talk some more times. Give her reason to want to keep you around. Don't overwork yourself and please don't give her more info than she needs to have. Just make her think keeping you is in her best interest."

After my talk with Armie I spent the rest of the night keeping a low profile. Observing more than speaking. I wanted to sniff out any and all possible connections that I may not have been aware of. Marzia's key being pulled so early, before Emma's, was a major red flag to me but I haven't seen her around any of Angela, Emma, or Olivia all day so maybe that was just a fluke. If anything, I'll just file it away for now. Olivia and Emma were spending more time in the group's vicinity but not really socializing too much. Olivia was clearly the better social player between the two, joining in on more topics while Emma had a hard time wiping the contempt from her face. I decided to use this time to get into Angela's headspace and starting a plan to save Armie. We snuck away to the hammocks for a brain-picking session.

"I've had a bit of blowback on my nominations," she started.  
"What about?"  
"Not a lot of people expected Armie."  
"Yea, that's been the general feeling. Right on the money about Bex, though. Isn't he so ridiculous?" I began some anti-Bex talk to see if that was the train she was on.  
"Oh, he totally is! Thank you!" All aboard, ladies and gentlemen. "But they were blabbing about how I needed to pit him against someone likable so he'd be an easy boot."

"They." Olivia and Emma. Oh, Angela, choose your words more carefully honey.

"They seem to run other people's nominations," I said nonchalantly.  
"You think so too?"  
"You're talking about Emma, yes?" I asked.  
"Her and Olivia. Moreso, Emma. Olivia just seems to be along for the ride. She's a fun girl. But that Emma, she was a little pushy."  
"Did you feel she had a certain agenda when it came to your nominations?"  
"I do. She just wouldn't quit, she was going on and on about Bex but piling just as much on Armie."

"That's funny, she sure had a lot to say to Armie when he was HOH before." It's time for me to really set the wheels in motion. "Coincidentally, weren't you a nominee back then, too?"

"I was," Angela sounded shell shocked.  
"Oh she's working it," I commented. "I am impressed."  
"I can't believe I didn't see the connection."  
"All I'm going to say is watch your back. She's already aimed at you once, who knows if she'll do it again for the next HOH."  
"If the bitch is still here for the next HOH."  
"Would you nominate her if the veto is used?"  
"Now? Fuck yea."  
"That's a smart move, I think. A big one too. You'd be setting yourself up as a power player, a nice turnaround for the girl who was a nominee the first day."  
"Would you back me up if I do it, Tim?"  
"Totally. You have my full support. In fact, you can have my full support going forward in this game if you would like to as well."  
"I'm game. I'm game. You're the first person to propose an alliance to me, actually."  
"See how these people don't even value you? They use you for nominations and then just discard you. It's bull."

The next day we drew for veto players. The HOH and two nominees automatically play so that just left three spots. My name was drawn, followed by Emma and Simon. Simon and I decided if either of us were to win we'd use the POV on Armie, operating under the idea that Emma would go up in his place. I spent the majority of last night working Angela against Emma as I came to the realization she was someone calling the shots, or at least attempting to. And she already had her claws in Olivia so I wanted her out sooner rather than later. Olivia is someone I want to either bring into my fold or someone I want to immediately cut. Regardless, she'll be dealt with soon enough. 

In a battle of aim, it came down to myself and Emma. Truth be told, I wanted Simon to get this win instead so my hands could remain bloodless but he came up short in the last round. Emma made her shot and missed her target by 2 feet. As long as I got closer than that the veto was mine. I dug my feet into the ground and with all the force I could muster I shot my arrow at the massive chicken standing before us. The goal was his eye, and my arrow had pierced it. 

"Congratulations, Timothee you are this week's power of veto winner!"

The POV ceremony began later that night.

"I have decided to use the power of veto," I said to no one's surprise. "I use it on Armie."  
"Thank you Timothee."  
"Timothee, since you have vetoed one of my nominees I now have to choose another. This wasn't a decision I expected to make but this is one I feel good about. I choose to nominate Emma."

The room went cold. Emma's jaw hit the ground and the millions of roaches that made up her mainframe ran free. She took her spot in the nominations chair and it was nothing but daggers.

"This meeting is adjourned."

Tensions were high for the rest of the night but it was quiet in the house. I assured Bex he had nothing to worry about and that he just needed to bite his tongue a little bit more if he wanted to stick around past this week. I met Armie out on the hammock. 

"Thank you, Tim."  
"What I do?"  
"Oh, you know what you did. I know you thought I was a dumbass in the game room earlier today but it's just I wasn't sure if you were bluffing me or not."  
"Why would you think I was?"  
"I know we're pretty close but we hardly talked game with each other. Or at least, not in a way that made me fully confident. The way you worked Angela today was a work of art."  
"Didn't even break a sweat."  
"I don't think anyone in here could make you," he said.  
"So, what are you thinking?"  
"You and I run circles around these fools to the end."  
"Absolutely, Armie."  
"We make a good team, you and I."  
"I agree."  
"Say, are you going to need your blanket again tonight?"  
"I don't need it," I said softly. "But I wouldn't turn it down."  
"Good, it felt kind of nice."  
"Kind of?"  
"It felt great okay? It was like falling asleep against the softest object in the world damn you happy now princess?"  
"Armie, listen to me." And I donned my best Gilbert Gottfried voice for this one. "I made you and I can break you!"

He leaped from the hammock, of course, I ended up falling out of it too and hoisted me into the air with brute strength until he dropped me onto the pool table in front of the laundry machines.

"Let's play, loser makes dinner for the rest of the week," he said, already setting up the balls.   
"I don't know how to play pool," that was a lie. I was trying to figure out a way to entertain myself.  
"How do you not know how to play pool?"  
"Unlike you, I didn't spend my college years in a bar."  
"Joke's on you I didn't go to college, nerd."  
"Teach me anyway professor."

I grabbed the pool and awkwardly held it between my middle and ring finger and lazily crouched as low to the table as I could go. Armie came behind me and correctly angled the pool stick and then my posture. That's what I wanted him to do the most. I bent over more than I should have but he didn't seem to mind.

"So what do I do now, Armie?"  
"Oh, sorry I spaced out for a second. You have a really nice butt. Anyway, you're gonna hit the white ball now against all the others."

I did as instructed and handed him the pool stick.

"After that, you have to use the white ball to sink all the others. I'll show you how the professionals do it." 

He didn't sink any balls of course. The pool stick was handed back to me and I once again adopted a posture that he found too low, or too alluring. A mix of both, I hoped. He ran over to adjust me and this time he lingered just a few seconds longer than the last. However, I was feeling very assured in my abilities and proceeded to sink each and every ball on straight single shots. When I finished I blew the chalk off my stick and laid it back on the table. His mouth was still agape.

"I guess I'm a fast learner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current state of affairs:
> 
> HOH: Angela  
> Nominees: Armie/Bex  
> POV: Timothee  
> Post-POV Nominees: Emma/Bex


	3. Pre-Veto Jitters

"You lost your blanket privileges, you filthy liar."  
"Oh, how ever will I live?"  
"In this game? You won't because you're a filthy damn liar."  
"I get your ass off the block and this is how you repay me?"  
"I cuddled your ass and this is how you repay me!"  
"You've been really obsessed with my butt tonight."  
"As I said, it's a really nice one."  
"Can I have a hug, Armie? Don't be too upset about me embarrassing you in pool."

I opened my arms wide and smiled. He crept closer to me with rolled eyes and gave in to the embrace. His body was so warm and the language was inviting. He pushed me back gently until I found myself stuck between Armie and the washing machine. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on but I didn't want it to end. I felt his hands drop down to my hips and he gave them a tight squeeze before placing me up on top of the machine. It was the first time we were ever at eye level. 

"Hi," I said.  
"Hey."  
"How are you?"  
"Pretty good. You?"  
"I'm a little hungry."  
"Have a peach."  
"I'm allergic."  
"Oh man I fucking love peaches," he seemed like the type that would.  
"Armie, what are you doing?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You're really nice to me, in an odd way."  
"I don't think it's odd. Maybe you don't have enough friends."  
"You want to be my friend?"  
"Whatever you need."  
"It's true I don't have many. It feels like I gave that all up for my classes."  
"Oh yeah, you're Mr. Astrophysics. How'd you end up picking something so intense?"  
"I'm a country boy. An only child too. Whenever my dad would be on the phone arguing with someone about money I'd go deep into the woods and count the stars."  
"You weren't scared out there?"  
"I'm not afraid of anything I can wrap my mind around."  
"That's a pretty cerebral way of living. You've always been a thinker, haven't you?"  
"I think, I don't feel."

And that was my strategy in this game. To completely separate any emotions or feelings I may have and to play this game with a consistently clear head. I would weigh the pros and cons of all my options, I would never partake in idle gossip or any heightened dramas, I would be cool as a cucumber.

"Anyway," I started, "I'm ready for bed. Are you done flirting with me or is there still some juice in the tank?"  
"There's more juice in the tank than you could handle that's for sure."  
"I may have been out of the game for a while but just know..."  
"Know what, Timothee?"  
"I wanted to say something clever but it never came to me."  
"Damn, I was excited."  
"I can tell."

I pushed Armie backward to give myself some room and hopped off the washing machine. Grabbing his head I pulled him into the house where like always we were the last two people still awake. I placed one hand on my bed and he pulled me over into his, guess he's still enjoying blanket privileges. As I slid into the bed he twisted me we were face to face.

"You're gorgeous," he said before planting a kiss on my forehead.  
"Okay, enough."  
"What?"  
"Stop flirting with me, you're straight."  
"I never said that."  
"So what are you?"  
"Well, I am straight."  
"I think I'm going to sleep in my own bed tonight."  
"No, wait!" his voice was hushed. "I am straight, I think. I just like you. I swear I'm not doing this on purpose, either I just feel really comfortable around you."  
"While we're in this house, Armie, we are just friends."  
"We won't be in this house forever."

His words were much more forward than they had ever been and yet I understood these even less. He claims to be straight but he likes me? Who even says that? Plus, he hasn't even known me for a full week. I get that being in this house breeds some intense connections since we're basically cut off from the outside world but still. There's a lingering idea that maybe this is some sort of elaborate ploy but I don't possibly understand what he could get out of this. It's been a long time since my mind couldn't come to a proper conclusion.

"Goodnight Tim," he said as he wrapped his arms around me. He's such a great cuddler.

 

The next morning I was the first person awake. I brewed some fresh coffee and sat in the kitchen enjoying the silence. It had been a very intense few days and I believe this was my first time finally being alone. It was time to think of my angles and how the rest of this week was going to play out. I still had my majority alliance with Armie, Chiara, Marzia, Simon, and Bex. Within that group, I had my own alliance with Armie, one with Chiara, one with Marzia and Chiara, and another with Armie and Simon. Outside of that, I had an alliance with Angela too. The only people I wasn't connected to were Emma and Olivia, so for me to keep my solid standing those two needed to be the next ones to leave. 

Beyond that, I wanted to take Armie and Chiara farther than anyone else in the house with an outside chance of dragging along Angela for the ride, too. Everyone else was fodder in my eyes but there are too many variables in this house for me to think everything will go my way. But I'm here to play and will do everything in my power to make sure that I end up on top. I want to set myself up as the central player here.

However, I see some possible spoils in my plans. Olivia is a bit of an anomaly to me and Bex, the loose cannon, are the only ones I haven't formed an outside alliance with. I get along great with Olivia but I've noticed that she's made a few sly observations about the dynamics of the house. The night after I first cuddled with Armie, they were together chatting in the bathroom and she commented about how cute we looked. She saw us sleeping together and who knows who she told about that. I mean it's not something we're exactly hiding but she could easily plant the bug in people's ear that Armie and I were a possible alliance that should be split up. 

"No one's ever up this early but me!"  
"Morning, Bex."  
"Did you sleep well?"  
"Yeah."  
"I bet you did. You and Armie a thing already?"  
"I told him that I like weight on me while I sleep, that's all it is."  
"Let me give this a try."

Bex wrapped his arms around me and nestled into my neck but this wasn't exactly working. For one, Bex isn't much bigger than me and two, I'm wide awake. As uncomfortable as this was I knew that this was something I needed to give to Bex. He's a loose cannon and I'd rather be on his good side. 

"Is it working, Tim?"  
"Well, I'm not trying to fall asleep right now so."  
"I apologize."  
"No need, it felt nice. So you're always up at this time?"  
"Yep, I usually have a morning cigarette and think about the game."  
"What do you think about the game, if you don't mind my asking."  
"I'm a little nervous. I know it feels like the tide has turned against Emma but still."  
"Well, just in case you had some doubts, you have my vote. Without question."  
"Do you think I have enough to stay?"  
"Of course you do? Why are you so scared about this coming vote?"  
"Everyone thinks I'm dumb. no one here talks game with me unless they're telling me what to do."  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Bex. I didn't know that."  
"Thank you. I'm just tired of being the class dummy."  
"What can I do for you to feel better?"  
"I don't think I'll feel better until I see Emma walk out the door."  
"And what would you like to see after that? You know, I don't think we've had a game talk yet. That's probably why you were on the fence about my vote."  
"Well, Olivia is really nice to me so I want her to stay. I think Angela can go."  
"I think that's a good plan, we've seen how quick she was to flip on Emma so who knows where she'll fly in this game."  
"Oh yea, Emma was pissed about that."  
"I heard Emma wanted you out, though."  
"Well, between you and me," he said while looking scanning the house from the kitchen counter, "Emma's actual plan was to get rid of Armie. Olivia told me."  
"Wow, Angela played the hell out of her didn't she?"  
"And none of us saw it coming."  
"Yea." I took another sip of my coffee. "Can I just say it's very interesting to see you so mellow, Bex?"  
"Scary ain't it?"  
"Fascinating, I'd say."  
"You think I'm fascinating?"  
"I do."  
"What about me?"  
"Well, I usually see you bouncing off these walls and you sort of recklessly tear through everything."  
"I just have lots of energy. How are you feeling about this week, though?"  
"I want Emma to go obviously, and I don't see any reason why Angela wouldn't follow her."  
"And if anyone took a swing at me here would you save me?"  
"I would, would you do the same for me?"  
"I'd cut everyone here if they even thought of nominating you."  
"Well then, we know where we stand and going forward let's keep this in mind, shall we?"  
"Let's shake on it."

We shook and went back to our coffees. Another alliance settled. I look forward to getting the eviction over with tonight.


	4. Acid Trip

The rest of the day was filled with middling strategy talks as everyone wanted to last minute lock in their votes and make plans for the upcoming HOH. The tide of the house was definitely against Emma and we all breathed a sigh of relief as she walked out of the house with only a single vote to stay versus five for her to be evicted. We all knew it was Olivia and none of us had any ill will to her for that vote, it was expected. 

The HOH competition was a battle of "This or That" and when it came to myself and Armie I made the wise choice to throw the last question, giving him the win. I knew I was in no danger with him leading the house so that freed me up to win next week's HOH if need be. 

"Are you happy that you won this HOH?" I asked Armie while plopping down on the couch across from him. His room was stylized in a very modern and chic way, Angela's HOH room looked like Dolly Parton threw up all over it. Which sounds bad but that level of unironic tackiness makes me giddy.  
"I didn't want you to inflict a reign of terror on this house so yes," he replied.  
"I would nominate you if I won."  
"I will nominate you, actually."  
"Then who are you going to cuddle with?"  
"You're lucky you're the cutest thing in this house."  
"That's true," I made myself a little more comfortable on the couch. "For real though, who are you thinking of nominating?"  
"Angela and Olivia. Or Angela and Tim."  
"I'm Tim."  
"I mean if someone wins the veto. It could be an option?" his tone sounded far more serious than I've ever heard it before.  
"Wait what?"  
"You're killing this game so far, dude. You won a veto, you were second in back to back HOH competitions, everyone in this game would fall on a sword for you. I'd be a fool not to take a shot at you. You're the best thing in here."  
"I don't know if you're joking or not but if you take a shot at me you better not miss because I promise I will singlehandedly demolish you in this house."  
"Is that a threat, pretty boy?" A light chuckle escaped his sweet lips  
"Armie, I swear to god."  
"You were so pissed it was hilarious."  
"Go fuck yourself."  
"You're even more precious when you're upset."  
"Well, I am upset now. Your fault."

A comfortable silence fell over the room. All we did was just stare at each other. But his look was like a beautiful bird up against the horizon, so far out of my reach yet close enough for me to bask in the light. With everyone else in the house I knew how to suspend myself, how to keep the conversation situated on them so they could feel important, so they could feel like I was the best person to have around. And that comfort would breed an openness that would allow to me probe their brains as much as I saw fit and molded them into my bidding. I felt like I had a powerful grasp on everyone in this house except for Armie. I felt like he did to me what I did to everyone else and it scared me. 

I don't understand his motives or his thinking so I find him all around frightening, to be honest. Whenever I talked with him my filter would somehow turn itself off and I'd find myself spewing like a little puppy. It was sick.

"Okay," he interrupted my thoughts. "Just so we're clear, Tim, I would never nominate you."  
"Thank you. Anyway, I think I'm going to bed now, have a good night."  
"You're not staying up here with me?"  
"Hard no on that, chief."

The doorknob quickly escaped from my hand as Armie pushed the door forward, closing it before I could leave. He stood behind me as I froze, once again stuck between him and some other object.

"I think you should stay up there."  
"People already think we're super close."  
"We are, who cares what they think?"  
"They'll try to split us up, Armie."  
"I'm the HOH, no one makes a move in here but me."  
"And what about next week when you're fair game?"  
"I won't be fair game because you'll be HOH."  
"You're operating on a lot of hope. I could lose."  
"Point is: I don't give a fuck if they think we're close."  
"I just don't think it'll be a good idea, at least not the first night."  
"Stay."

I felt him slowly push his body onto mine, edging me closer until my face was up against the wall and he had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Truly, I could have stayed like this forever. I felt his lips hit my neck and that's when it all melted for me. The print on the door started to fall into the floor below and there was a shining array of all different colors shooting back up at me. I felt heavy like I was sinking and lighter than a feather all at the same time. I haven't felt the touch of a man in years so this tiny, insignificant little interaction overwhelmed all of my nerves. I was on edge, I felt uneasy.

I threw up.

Not a lot. It was just water too, but I threw up nonetheless. All he had to do was gently kiss my neck and that was enough to make me feel like I had just done acid. It brought up all these weird emotions and feelings and contradictions that my brain couldn't handle so it essentially told my body to give up. I no longer felt his grip around me but remained frozen in place as I watched his hands pushing into the towels on the floor below me. He cleaned it up so quickly and carefully. 

"You okay, bud?" He asked me, a startling amount of concern in his voice.  
"No," I replied.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I don't know," I gripped the door handle. "I don't know what you're doing but don't hurt me please." I loudly hummed a tune as I walked out of his HOH room so I wouldn't know his reply.

I spent the next hour or so entirely too restless in bed. All I did was toss and turn and watch in envy as everyone else in the bedroom slept peacefully. I went outside to the hammock with my pillow and a blanket, hoping I could maybe catch some sleep under the stars. As I laid there all I could think about was how I threw up in the HOH room. I don't understand how it even happened. So what if he kissed my neck? He's so clearly flirting with me to get in my head, he wants to make sure I'll never make a move out of him. Yes, that's exactly it. He's only in here to cause me chaos. 

I wanted to rationalize those thoughts but I knew they didn't make sense. I knew he wouldn't go that far unless there was some deeper intent that I just wasn't aware of. We're on a freaking game show that is broadcasted all hours of the day and there's a ton of cameras in this house so there's no way he'd do something so low.

So why do I feel the way I feel? Why does he do the things he does? I've spent so much time in labs doing all sorts of scientific studies and needing everything to be precise to be a point far beyond normal people's standards that the part of my brain responsible for feeling and emotion has been so underutilized that my body went into a near catatonic state when it finally woke up. I came into this house thinking that no one in here would be able to faze me and here's Armie making me actually fucking vomit. Who vomits? Seriously, who the fuck vomits? 

And then to tell him not to hurt me? Holy shit, how old am I? Have I never interacted with a human before, how could I be such a buffoon? God, I can't stop cringing at myself. I think being out here has made things even worse for me. I feel wide awake now.

"Can't sleep?"

I popped up to see Armie in my usual corner spot on the couch. I didn't even hear him come out here, maybe he was always out here and I was just too occupied in my mind to notice him.

"I'm wide awake," I replied.  
"I would say come over here but I don't want you to throw up on me."

That was reason enough for me to plop back into the hammock and just wait for him to go away. I was so embarrassed.

"I'm joking! Don't be so dramatic." I chose not to reply.  
"Come on," he started. "I couldn't sleep either. I saw you were out here so I came out too." He made his way over to me and extended his hand in a truce. "I'm sorry. If I caused any distress."

I took his hand and he pulled my somewhat limp body forward. We made our way to the couch and I found myself nuzzled under his arm. I liked the curly hair on his chest and stomach. 

"There's a lot of stars out tonight," he said aloud.  
"That's Dubhe," I said pointing up at the stars.  
"What's that?"  
"Second brightest star in Ursa Major."  
"How in the fuck can you just point it out so easily?"  
"It saved my life."  
"A star saved your life?"  
"Technically, they all did." Oh, here I go again. "Whenever things got a little too intense the stars would ground me. I always thought that since there's so many of them then that meant there had to be more life in the universe somewhere. But if there isn't then that meant no matter what happened on this little rock, I would always be special and one of a kind. The stars are my hiding spot, and there was always a new one to hide behind. The game never ends."  
"That's very sweet, I'm glad you found them."  
"I am too."  
"So can I ask you a question."  
"Go ahead."  
"Why did you tell me not to hurt you?"

I was hoping he wouldn't bring that up but that was too major a moment and too recent for it to not come up again. I filtered the question through my entire brain but couldn't really come up with a satisfying answer for myself. 

"For once in my life, I don't know what's happening. And that scares me a lot."  
"I don't get what you mean."  
"I don't get what you're doing. Like, right now just look at us. Here we are cuddled up like some little movie couple and I've only known you for a week."  
"In all honesty, Tim, I don't get what I'm doing either. I swear I'm not trying to fuck with your head and I'm not doing this for the cameras."  
"So you don't know what you're doing?"  
"Not with you, I don't know."  
"That doesn't make any sense."  
"The way I feel doesn't make sense. I've been into women my entire life and then I met you."  
"What... what does that stupidity even mean?"  
"Great, now I'm stupid."  
"You're messing with my head." I felt my blood begin to boil.  
"I'm not messing with your head, Timothee. I like you, I really like you."  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
"Because I wanted you to know."


	5. Armie, What's Good?!

I tightened my grip on the cold kitchen counter as I felt Armie's dick sliding deeper and deeper inside me with each thrust. All I could, or wanted, to do was to just lie there whimpering while my ass got pounded as the other houseguests slept. He had a fist full of my hair and his other hand pressed into my hip. The sound of my ass clapping against his thighs drove me wild but then I found myself needing more. 

While it was a struggle I finally came up with the energy to match his intense pace. I was throwing my ass back as good as I knew how. It had been a very long time since I've last had sex but Armie pretty much told me to just bend over and take it, he knew how I wanted it before it even happened. He started me off slow, his dick was easily the biggest I've ever had so I needed him to just gently work my hole before he went on the attack. 

"Get on your back," his voice was especially husky now. It sent chills all through my body.  
"Make me," my voice so soft but still enough to prick his ears.

He flipped me and I damn near convulsed when my back hit the cold counter, this house was freezing. But it wasn't cold enough that I could see my breath leaving my body when I felt Armie push into me with one quick, hard stroke. His eyes full of lust and a rabid fury all over his face, I felt like I was in a new dimension as he leaned his body onto mine driving his dick even deeper in my ass. I needed this so bad but it was killing me to be so submissive to him, I wanted to make him work more, I wanted to make him sweat but he was head and shoulders above any one I've ever had before. 

I grabbed his hands from my waist and placed one on my neck and started licking his fingers on the other one. The little hairs on his knuckles annoyed me but I didn't want to stop. What the fuck is this power he has over me? I pulled his face right on top of me and licked at his lips while he hurried his pace on my ass. My eyes were rolling back as I unsuccessfully tried to hide my moans.

"Deeper," I whispered into his ears.

Okay, no this was entirely too much and I should not have said that. Each thrust I felt him push right against my prostate and my body could not stop shaking. This felt absolutely unreal, I could hardly feel my legs but I didn't want this pounding to end. No point in me trying to be a big shot, might as well just succumb and let him use me however he saw fit.

"I'm gonna cum... I'm gonna cum," he groaned.  
"Inside me sir," I groaned back in paused breaths.  
"Fu-... Fu-... french toast! French toast!"

I snapped back to see Armie standing across the counter from me, shirtless with a plate of french toast. This doofus made me breakfast and I daydreamed that he was balls deep in my ass on this same counter. I have to get my mind right. 

"Oh, thank you. I zoned out, my bad." I said.  
"It's cool," he replied.

The day zoomed by nondescriptly as we all just waited around for the nomination ceremony to begin. In my talks with Armie I pushed for him to nominate Angela and Olivia. Angela would just be the pawn, I went with her to not give anyone the thought that I was potentially working with her. Olivia, on the other hand, I needed to just go. I find something about her quite unnerving and the sooner she was out the better. I felt like she was gradually sinking her hooks into the other houseguests and I have to strike while the iron was hot.

I felt peaceful as we all gathered at the kitchen table for the nominations. I suspected this would be a predictable day. Armie pulled the first key, "Marzia." No doubt anyone could have seen the bewilderment on my face at that but I wiped it away as soon as I noticed it. Not sure why my name wasn't pulled first since Armie is my most important alliance but not the end of the world.

"Simon," she said. Okay, I guess he's just trying to not make our alliance the most obvious thing, that's cool.  
"Bex."  
"Chiara."

What in the ever loving fuck is going on here on this day? There was one key left and Olivia, Angela and myself were the remaining three still hoping to come out of this safe. 

"Timothee."

Ugh. I was safe, thankfully. But I was hot, I was really fucking hot. I shot him a look that could stop any force in the universe and the fucker wasn't even looking at me, not even in my direction! The meeting adjourned, everyone branched off but I remained stuck in my spot still fuming. Why the fuck was my key last? If he did that as a joke I didn't find it fucking funny and if he was trying to send a message then Armie what's good? Either way, I felt some sort of way about this.

"Are you alright?" Bex asked plopping down next to me.  
"I want to know why my key was last."  
"Does it matter?"  
"No, not really," I knew by now how to appease Bex. "I just found it curious that I was last."  
"Maybe you've overestimated your friendship with him?"  
"Sounds like I should have new friends, but nobody here likes me. I'm just a lonely, lonely boy." I said pouting onto his shoulder.  
"You're such a brat," he patted my head.  
"I'm a fun brat, though! Agree or disagree?"  
"Agree." His voice was dewy sweet.  
"So, what do you think about the nominations?" I asked.  
"I would have done the same."  
"So who should go?"  
"You tell me first," he replied.  
“I’m still just not connecting with Olivia somehow. I don’t know why.”  
"I’ve gotten along great with Olivia so I'd prefer her to stay."

"Not surprising." Okay, Timothee, easy there. Reel this one in slowly. I knew Bex was fond of Olivia but under no circumstances was I going to let her stay in this house. It won't be easy to turn Bex against her but let's see if I'm really good at this game or not.

"What does that mean?"  
"I've seen how close you two are," I started. "Y'all are cute. Don't get me wrong I do like Olivia but let's be real she'd kill any of us at the end. The jury started with Emma and that's a nondebatable vote in Olivia's back pocket right there."  
"That's true. I forgot about that. Plus, I don't think anyone here doesn't like her."  
"I just don't want you to get hurt, Bex. You're a really cool guy and I don't want to see you get played."  
"You think she's playing me, bro?"  
"Not explicitly. Maybe not even yet. But I see her planting the seeds all over the place, she's playing very well so far. A lot better than people are willing to see."  
"I don't know man I think she's really friendly is all, she's having a good time."  
"That could be true, guess she's just here to have some fun and instead of making half a million, huh?"  
"I could be more alert about here, I guess. About the entire game in general."  
"Bex, I think you're a great guy who just got off to a rough start. I definitely want you here and I think as long as you just lay low it'll be smooth sailing for you. For us," and now I go in for the kill. "If you would like that sort of thing. I don't think anyone would ever suspect us either, we could totally run this house."  
"I've wanted that since the first night here. You're the coolest guy in here, Tim. I just wanted to be your friend but felt like a total dweeb."  
"What made you feel like that?"  
"You just have this vibe about you that I really like. You never lose your cool, nothing in here can make you sweat and I fuck with that a lot. I've never met a chill gay guy like you."  
"No need to categorize me."  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it wasn't on purpose I swear. I've just never had a gay friend before."  
"Why is that?"  
"They just weren't around. Remember I grew up in the south."  
"Oh, so they were around. They just weren't open about it, that's unfortunate."  
"When did you come out, Tim?"  
"I actually never did. I recall one day, though, I was telling my friends about this guy I fucked and it just rolled from there. From then on my friends only asked me about guys and my role in the group shifted a little. I would spend more time with my girlfriends rather than the guys and eventually, everyone got the idea."  
"What about to your family?"  
"Never told them."  
"Would you?"  
"I just don't see a need to announce my sexuality. It's only my business. If they asked I wouldn't deny it, though."  
"See what I mean, man?"  
"Huh?"  
"You're just like... it's like someone plucked you out of a Tarantino movie."  
"That's the greatest compliment I've gotten all year."

Bex and I spent a good amount of time sitting at the table talking about the most random subjects that were popping into our minds. He's honestly not as bad as I thought he once was. His demeanor, around me at least, is much more relaxed and sometimes he has moments of brilliance magnitudes stronger than his personality would suggest. 

 

Tempers and tensions were settled as we all sat outside on the couches throwing back beers and wine. There wasn't much drama between the group but we were having a good time enjoying each other's company.

"Alright!" Chiara chimed in. "I have a question for the group. No cameras, who do you fuck?"  
"Good lord Chiara, really?" Olivia replied with chuckles.  
"Nobody is forced to answer! You know what? I'll go first. I'd do Timothee!"  
"Let's keep the cameras rolling," I replied with a wink.  
"I think Tim is a freak," Simon piped from across the table. "What's the freakiest thing you've ever done, Tim?"  
"Honestly I don't have any wild stories. I mean yea there was that time I got gangbanged freshmen year but I swear that's it," that story was a lie. I've never been gangbanged, I've only been with two guys my entire life and I loved them both, deeply.  
"Gangbang?! Explain this!" Bex seemed oddly attentive all of a sudden.  
"Well, my roommate, who was on the football team was very experimental and curious. He had a few friends who were just like him, too. One day we were roaming around Brooklyn and found this dingy, underground gay spot." All of that is a lie, by the way.  
"And then what?"  
"We went inside, got very drunk and then I found myself on this sling completely naked with five crazy hot and horny college football players. Everyone got a turn that night."  
"That sounds so intense I love it," Chiara said.  
"It was great but never again. I was sore for like a week. They tried to do it again in my room but I wasn't about that life."

It bears repeating, not a single part of that story was true. My roommate was a lanky biology student and didn't have a curious thought in his brain when it came to sexuality. I could try as much as I wanted but he never took a bite. We eventually grew into best friends and now I love that dork. 

We all passed around stories and bottles until empty. Chiara told us about her one time battle with gonorrhea, Simon talked about his work in the film industry and we learned that Bex used to be a male escort to pay when his mom lost her job. It was an uplifting story really and a perfect way to end the night, on a happy note. Bex, Armie and I remained on the couches as the others sporadically went inside to call it a night.

"So, Tim, how do you feel about my nominations?"

Instead of answering, I twirled the ice in my glass and gazed upwards at the stars beginning to illuminate the night sky. I still felt some type of way about Armie placing my key last.

"They're cool," I replied.  
"Who do you want to go?"  
"Whoever."  
"You're not leaning any particular way?"

I shrugged.

"Alright, fellas, I think I'm calling it a night," Bex said as he pulled himself away from the couch and dragged his tipsy body to the door.  
"Same here,"I said.  
"That's funny," Armie mumbled.  
"What's funny?" I questioned.  
"Nothing, hope you sleep good, Tim."

This smug little bastard. What the fuck was up with him? But if he wants to play these petty little games then I'm on board with that too.

"Wait up Bex!" I hopped over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek, in full view of Armie. "Have a good night."

There was a noticeable swagger in his step after that and the cutest drunk smile I ever did see.

"That's your new boy toy now?" Armie standing in front of me, his arms crossed.  
"I like Bex."  
"Only because he's a little puppy constantly following you around."  
"Are you jealous? This is so unlike you, Armie."  
"Not even close, kid."  
"So why are you questioning it?"  
"Why are you being a jackass?"  
"Go fuck yourself." I moved for the door but he quickly jumped in front, forcing me to stay outside with him.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, can we talk? Tim, I feel like there's some weird energy between us and I don't know what's going on."  
"Why was my key last?"  
"I thought it would be funny. I thought you would get the joke! I'm just messing with you."  
"Oh, so you thought that was funny? That's your humor, huh? Is that the game you want to play with me, Armie?"  
"No," his voice was soft. He almost sounded like me. "I really didn't mean anything bad behind it, it was a bad joke. Are you going to smother me in my sleep?"  
"I should."  
"Not if I get you first," Armie replied. "You never answered Chiara's question, by the way."  
"Hmm, not sure if I remember what it was. Can you remind me?"  
"How bad is your memory?"  
"Horrible."  
"No cameras in the house. Who do you let in the shower with you? Kissing you all over your smooth neck and down your back. Or maybe in that hot jacuzzi over there, whose lap do you find yourself planted on?"  
"That was her question? That was her phrasing?"  
"Verbatim, Tim. I'm just the messenger."  
"I guess if I had to do all of that with anyone here... I think Simon. He has that normal guy look that I like."  
"Simon, really?"  
"Well, Bex is out because he's physically just a taller version of myself and that's a hard no. Pete left the first day so I don't even know him so yep, Simon it is. Now, Armie. No cameras, who do you fuck?"  
"Let me think about that. Who would I like to bend over in this house? Who do I just want to toss over my shoulders and fuck until I watch their eyes roll back into their head? Who do I want to claim as mine? Who do I want to turn into a little pretzel and slam all hours through the night? This is just such a long, hard, full-bodied decision, as it always is, for me. I'll say Marzia."  
"You want to do all of that with Marzia?"  
"Are there any other options in here? Maybe there's one or two that I didn't think about."  
"Don't think about them because you won't get them, Armie."  
"I'm a hard, hard, hard worker, Tim. I don't know if you've noticed that about me."  
"There wasn't much to notice."  
"Ah, I see we have a comedian in the house."  
"Can we cuddle tonight?"  
"Sure you don't want to cuddle with Simon?"  
"I think he'd punch me in the face if I even dared."  
"So, I'm just your second choice?"  
"It's better than being last."  
"Once again, I am very sorry and will make it up to you however you want."  
"I'll keep that in mind then. Carry me to the bed like a gentleman."  
"Yes, my king."

This was the familiar embrace that made this game all the more worth it. I was so mad at Armie earlier but I knew it wouldn't last long, I'm in too deep. Now I'm playing a stupid game with a stupid guy and who knows what's true versus what isn't. All I can do moving forward is to just operate on the belief that Armie has been truthful with me.

He wrapped his fingers with mine and I thought, for a fleeting moment that he's just going through the actions to further subdue me but then my body filled with joy because I felt that maybe when all of this is said and done that we could potentially develop something. We haven't been in the game for a full month yet so there are so many things that could happen but for now, I am happy with this.

"Armie, are you still awake?"  
"What's up, buttercup?"  
"Want to know something about me?"  
"I want to know everything about you but yes."  
"I"m very flexible."  
"How flexible?"  
"Pretzel flexible. Goodnight."

I heard him gulp, I got him right where I want him. Now, hopefully, tonight leads to another good dream.


	6. The Kiss

"Guess I'm just doomed for second place!" I proclaimed as we walked back in from the veto competition. I once again came up second in a competition, I lost to Bex. Truth be told, I did throw it a little at the end. Had I won this veto Angela would surely have expected me to use it on her and I wasn't ready to show my cards to anyone just yet. For now, I am perfectly fine straddling the fence and making sure I was in good favor with whoever was the HOH.

I did have thoughts that perhaps Bex would use the veto on Olivia but I'm under the impression I have more sway with him than she does. He seems to be quite taken with me and I'm making very little effort when it comes to not flirting back. I may be a bit aloof outside of the house but one thing I've always been good at is flirting. Most of the time it wasn't even intentional, it's just how I talked to people. I liked to make people feel good about themselves, so they would be the topic of discussion, as I really, really didn't ever want to talk about myself.

As we all made our way inside I stood by myself against the oven and watched who went off with whom but it didn't exactly work the way I envisioned it. Marzia and Simon obviously grabbed each other and went their own route, they were the season's showmance. Olivia went off on her own but everyone else stood around in the kitchen as well, awkwardly twiddling their fingers as they made suspicious glances at each other. Waiting for someone to finally break the tension. 

Every person that stood there was someone I had a side alliance with and made a promise to take to the end. Armie, Bex, Chiara, and Angela. These were my most loyal pieces on the board but I could now see that reinforcement was needed in all of them. And I can't exactly fault them. I was the player lurking in the shadows and exerting my influence through all of them. There was no blood on my hands but I started to sense that the strings were becoming loose. I didn't sense that I was in any hot water at all but I knew I needed to reign everyone back in.

"Anybody want cake?" I hope Libra was proud of my attempt at breaking the ice.  
"I am fucking exhausted after that competition," Armie replied.  
"It was super intense. I thought you had it, Tim." Bex tossed in.  
"Same, it was my goal to take you down," I replied.  
"If a challenge is what you want then a challenge is what you'll get."  
"Are we all still on the same page?" I asked the group. "Olivia?"  
"I have no problems with that," Angela spoke.  
"Me either," Chiara agreed. "But I know Bex fucks with her, so..."  
"If all of you think that's the best choice then fine. I'll leave the nominations alone and we'll vote her out," he didn't sound too convincing to me.  
"Are you sure?" I asked him.  
"I'm not going out to bat for a lost cause," a smart reply.

I made my way into the shower shortly after because it was clear everyone in the kitchen was waiting to have some alone time with me. Angela and Chiara would be quite easy to appease, I wasn't too worried about them. My main concerns were Armie and Bex, I had an odd feeling that the two of them would rather keep Olivia over Angela so I needed to make sure that, above all, Bex did not use that veto. 

By sheer luck I watched him stroll into the bathroom to wash his hair. It was full of dirt and garbage and mud from the veto competition. He looked pretty good, to be honest. It was weird watching him because his body was just a taller version of mine but I guess that means I don't find myself as ugly as I think I am. 

"Pssst!" I called to him.  
"What's up?"  
"Come here."  
"Like, in there with you or?"  
"No boy just come stand over here."

The adorable buzzard hopped over like a wounded giraffe. Guess the veto competition was rougher on him than he let on. I felt totally fine, though.

"You want to save Olivia, don't you?" I decided not to beat around the bush.  
"I would like her to stay, yes."  
"For you, Bex, I want her to stay too. I can tell you really like her. But... that's not enough."  
"How do you mean?"  
"As you said, she's a lost cause. Her time was marked when she attached herself to Emma. Angela's a rough one, I get that but as well-liked, as Olivia is, there's still some distrust around her. Even if you were somehow able to pull it off, you'd be the biggest target next week. And who's to say she'll go this hard for you when you're in the nomination chairs. I need you here Bex, I need you here with me. So, would you rather save Olivia and potentially cut your game way too short or are you going to ride this out with me?"  
"I'd rather play with you than her. Plus, you're right. I'd be a dead man if I pulled her down as that would mean someone from our original five-person alliance would have to go up instead."  
"And the other four wouldn't rest until you walked out of the house. I know we're all here for the same thing but that doesn't mean we can't help out each other now and then. I'm just trying to help you right now, Bex. Do not get blinded and damage the goodwill you've been cultivating lately."  
"You have been helping me a lot, Tim. More than anyone else here."  
"It's my pleasure, really. You're a sweetheart."  
"By the way, you missed a spot on your shoulder?"  
"Well," I handed him my loofah and turned. "Be a gentleman."  
"Is that an invitation?"  
"Calm down, cowboy."

After my shower, I had one of the best naps of my life. It was one of those naps where you have a bunch of lines on your arms and a little dried up drool in the corners of your mouth. I was knocked the hell out. 

I stumbled out of my bed but carefully enough not to wake anyone. People in this house went to sleep quite early. I saw Armie and Olivia outside on the couches sharing a laugh and decided it would be best for me to not interrupt. I wasn't too fond of Olivia. And I damn sure wasn't thrilled about having to 'compete' with her to keep Armie interested.

But I couldn't stop watching them, or I wouldn't stop watching them. The way she was nuzzled under his arm and throwing herself at him made me sick. Her obnoxious laugh at jokes that were in no way that funny, her ridiculous body language it was all just gross. What did he and Bex see in her? She's so goddamn vapid and transparent. I don't get why the fuck they keep laughing!

Then, she looked at me. She looked right at me as she straddled Armie and went in for a kiss. She made direct eye contact with me and then she kissed him. That snake looked me dead in the eyes as if she won as if this was her victory. It absolutely infuriated me but I won't let her see me sweat. I won't let her think she's in the driver's seat. I was going to be somewhat peaceful this week but now I see someone needs to be taught a lesson.


	7. Don't Overreact

I walked back to my bed, I was in a daze. It felt like I was walking across shards of glass but I felt pain, I felt numb. How do I move forward from this? My sheets engulfed me like a cold wave and I shot back up, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep well tonight. 

My feelings. The one thing that I told myself I wasn't allowed to bring into the house had reared its ugly head. My feelings were hurt and I felt played. I felt like a fool for letting Armie get into my head so badly, why did I ever think he was being real with me? I lost sight of the prize and the fact that we're all here for the same goal. I wasn't hurt to the point I felt like crying, he wasn't in my brain that deep, but there were a few sniffles.

I wanted to get back at them both but did I want to jeopardize my game like that? Either of them could potentially blow up my game and I'd be screwed. No, no. I have to keep feelings on the backburner and continue my ice cold approach.

I looked over at Bex, he was sound asleep. Like a precious, oversized baby. His hair was tossed over his face and all I could see were his luscious, pink lips. I thought of running my finger over them or maybe my tongue. I wanted to wake him up.

"Nah." I rolled over and just tried my best to fall asleep.

 

We all gathered on the couches for the Veto ceremony. I fully expected Bex to not use it. Olivia and I kept making eye contact for some reason, gee, wonder why.

"Bex, if you choose to you can remove one of the nominees with your Veto power and as HOH I will have to nominate another houseguest in their place," Armie stated.  
"I choose not to use the power of veto," Bex replied.

Bex then closed the ceremony and the houseguests exchanged awkward hugs. I made sure to give Bex the most dramatic hug in the room, in full view of Olivia. She winced and went off on her own, I followed her into the game room. For the first time, it was just us two in a room. We've never been particularly fond of each other, I don't know why. We just never flowed into each other, we had been in parallel lanes this entire time.

"How did you do it?" She asked.  
"What did I do?" I replied innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about, Olivia." I smiled.  
"Don't bullshit a bullshitter," she smiled back. "I really thought I would be able to get Bex to use the veto on me."  
"I guess he didn't find it useful for his game, you have to take this up with him."  
"You turned him against me."

I had two options for this conversation. I could be upfront and honest, but what if that results in Olivia using that as a smear campaign against me? Or I could continue lying but I'd look so wishy-washy and I don't think to lie about this move would cultivate her as a jury vote for me.

"I did what I had to do," I decided to be honest but not exactly giving her the information she was trying to pry out of me.  
"I just want to know how you did it, man."  
"Why do you think I did it, though?"  
"Tim, you know good and damn well I see your game. I saw it a while ago and I know you know I saw it. That's why you haven't approached me. That's why you've been floating my name around the house. And you got the only person I had with me to turn. I mean, I am impressed."  
"Exactly. Having you here is not beneficial for me."  
"Did you know I had a final two deal with Bex?"  
"Why would he agree to that when he'd most likely lose against you?"  
"You don't know that, there's plenty of time in the game between now and final two."  
"First impressions are everything, Olivia. Bex would get smoked by anyone in this house. That's why you latched onto him. That's also why you latched onto Emma. You like to hide but you don't do it very well."  
"Clearly not," she sighed. "I bet Armie would have saved me if he won."

Oh, silly girl. She thought bringing him up would perhaps throw me off. She wanted to get me riled up but I called her number a long time ago, I'm a few steps ahead of you girl.

"You wouldn't need to be saved if he hadn't nominated you in the first place."  
"He told me I was just a pawn! I wouldn't go home!"

Maybe Olivia wasn't as smart as I originally thought. Nobody but a fool would ever accept the idea of being a pawn. A major, major point of this damn game is to not be nominated. If you are nominated then there's a chance you will go home, which is something most sensible people would try to avoid. It appears I was worried about this girl for nothing. Sure, she's made some pretty astute observations but I guess it's just a case of a broken clock being right twice a day. 

"And you believed him? I asked.  
"I did. We had such a good bond in here I didn't think he would lie to me."  
"Now look where you are."  
"Should I even bother to campaign?" I could hear the defeat in her voice.  
"It won't work out for you." I had no pity for her. "But who am I to say such a thing?"

 

Later in the day, I felt pretty satisfied with myself. I took a dip in the jacuzzi and melted away with the jets on full blast. The water shot rapidly against my spine and my feet. It felt like someone was just punching me, which I know sounds weird but it was quite relaxing. The tension was seeping out me. I had been feeling so wound up lately what with Olivia and Armie and then having to wrangle in Bex. 

Chiara and Marzia were a bit away from me on the couches but not too far where we couldn't have a loud conversation with each other. These two were my original girls and I felt it had been a little while since I touched base with them. It certainly wasn't what I wanted to do but I pulled myself out of the water and went over to them.

I slid my sunglasses down seductively and tossed my hair back as if I was some girl in a Hawaii vacation commercial. "Hello, ladies."  
"Hi, Tim!" They both exclaimed.  
"How are you feeling today?"  
"I feel good," Chiara said.  
"Same," Marzia agreed.  
"I had a little chat with Olivia today," I started. "She called me a bullshitter and told me about her final two deal with Bex."  
"Shut the fuck up!" Chiara yelled.  
"I will in a second. She also made it sound like she had her hooks in Armie."  
"But he nominated her!"  
"Right, so she was off the ball on that one but clearly he was putting something in her head for her to feel like that."  
"Was she trying to get your vote?" Marzia asked.  
"The wheels were turning. Marzia, what are you thinking?"  
"I think she's dangerous. I've seen her flirting with Simon lately, I don't think she's going down without a fight."  
"Well, as long as we're all on the same page I don't think the vote should be an issue, right?" Chiara posed to us.  
"I'm voting Olivia out," I said.  
"As am I," Marzia affirmed.  
"Boom, she's done," I loved Chiara expressiveness.  
"Since we're all settled on that then, would you ladies like to join me in the jacuzzi?"  
"What? Absolutely, I haven't gone in since I got here!" Marzia dropped down into her bathing suit.  
"How about you Chiara?"  
"I'm on my period."  
"Sometimes less is more, Chiara." We all laughed.

I took Marzia's hand and led her into the jacuzzi. Marzia was one of my original alliance members but I hadn't been keeping too many tabs on her. She was someone I could just go to with a plan and there'd be an instant agreement and we'd go on about our business. That worried me because I wasn't sure if she had total loyalty to me or if she'd turn once there were fewer people in the house.

"Can I ask where your head is in this game, Marzia?"  
"I'm just laying low in here. I don't see myself ever being anyone's main target." A valid point.  
"That's true, a low key game is a smart one too."  
"When it gets down to it I have you and Simon anyway. I think we're the ones nobody is really looking at. We're all nice, we got along fine with everyone, and we're not winning the competitions and putting people in danger. We're basically just doing what we're told."  
"Exactly." I damn sure wasn't the one being told what to do but I'll roll with it for Marzia's sake.  
"I'm good with Olivia going this week and Angela going the next."  
"Same here."

Angela. How am I going to get Angela to survive next week? She is my meat shield and I need her in here winning the competitions and taking the bullets for me. Marzia is weak, easily influenced which is useful but I don't plan on getting blood on my hands and apparently, neither does she so we're not going to be able to work together in this house long-term. 

I couldn't help but stare at Marzia's right boob just bouncing on the water as I ran through my strategies in my head. I wasn't turned on or wanted to do anything about it. It was the first time I saw a boob in person, though. It did nothing for me.

 

The night sky started to darken and I found myself on the hammock trying to pick out stars in spite of the bright lights drowning them out. This what I hated about city living, so many lights. Everything is so bright that you can't see anything in the sky. There's no wonder to it, people forget they're even up there. I was beginning to miss home.

"Hey there," it was Armie's velvet baritone. He sounded like he just woke up.  
"Hey."  
"Were you going to come up tonight? Sorry I missed you last night."  
"It's fine, I slept well. I think I'll sleep in my own bed tonight, too."  
"Oh, yeah, that's cool." I wondered if the twinge of sadness in his voice was genuine. "Can I hang with you out here for a little bit?" He had a blanket thrown over his shoulder so I don't think I would be able to reject his offer without looking like a bitch.  
"Sure, Armie."

He was such an ungraceful oath. Damn near knocked me out of the hammock to make himself comfortable but luckily I have good balance. He kept one foot on the grass to give the hammock a gentle sway. The air felt nice tonight.

"I feel like I've hardly seen you all day," he said.  
"You haven't. I spent a lot of today being a lazy bum."  
"Olivia told me about the chat she had with you earlier?"  
"Did she? What'd she say?"  
"She was trying to get you to slip up and give her some info but you wouldn't budge. Then she yelled at me and said I backstabbed her."  
"Oh my."  
"You wouldn't have anything to do with that would you, Tim?"  
"I just told her she wouldn't need to be saved if she was on the block."  
"But you wanted her up there."  
"I know I did. But I never told her she was a pawn."  
"Well, what else was I supposed to say?" he was starting to get riled up.  
"What you tell people when you nominate them is up to you. Please don't put this all on me."  
"But you literally suggested it. I did this for you, Tim!"  
"Okay. Okay, it's fine. So what would you like me to do? Clearly, I'm not pulling my weight-"  
"You absolutely are not pulling your weight. Win a damn competition already."  
"I'm trying to! I just keep flubbing it at the last minute."  
"You don't flub shit, you throw it. You have been second place in every single competition so far. Don't think I don't see what you're doing."  
"Is it so bad that I like the idea of you protecting me, Armie?"  
"I do want to protect you. I want you here. I just feel like I'm doing so much while you're just hanging out with everyone. You're always off with Chiara or Angela or even worse with fucking Bex and I barely get included anymore."

I fell silent. Went back to trying to look at the stars above me.

"When did you get so close with him anyway?"  
"Probably the same time as you and Olivia."  
"Oh here we go," he threw his hands up over his face.  
"You can't take a joke?"  
"It didn't sound like a joke."  
"Anyway, I like Bex. He's a sweetheart around me. We get along quite well."  
"He probably just wants to fuck you. Dude looks at you like a maniac."  
"And if he does, so what?"  
"You can do better," he mumbled.  
"So can you," I replied.  
"Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"  
"I watched you and Olivia make out last night."  
"Oh, Tim, fuck off that did not happen. Were we flirting? Yes, but that kiss was all her. I wasn't about it."  
"You don't have to lie. I don't really care and I'm still just joking!"  
"I swear if you say you're joking one more time I'm leaving."  
"Why do you seem so upset with me, Armie?"

"Because I don't know what the hell you're doing! You barely talk to me all day today and then yesterday you're in the shower giving Bex a goddamn peep show!" His voice crack at the end really alerted me. "What is going on? I don't get it. Am I not doing something right, like am I a bother to you now?" If he was this worked up over me not being chitty chatty after only two days then maybe there was more to Armie then originally thought. "Fuck, Armie, right? You don't care. You don't give a fuck, do you?" He jumped from the hammock and stormed back towards the house. He only made it halfway across the grass when he realized I was still in the hammock.

"Really? You're just going to stay there?" his eyes were even watering.  
"You just had a whole scene for reasons I don't know. Can we go to your room and talk this out, calmly?"  
"Sure, come on."

As I followed him in the house I had an unspeakable feeling of dread hanging over me. I've spent a lot of time wondering about Armie and wondering if whatever friendship or alliance we had was always doomed to fail. It burned too bright even though neither of us were willing to come to an agreement on what we were, what we were doing. Did he want to get to know me on a personal level and develop some sort of a relationship with me or was he just skillfully manipulating me to keep me as his sheep? The fact that I went back and forth with such extremes should have been the sign that our situation didn't have a solid foundation.

"I overreacted," he said as he closed the door behind us.  
"I feel like... we have been dancing around something very serious," I replied. "We have to meet in the middle, Armie. What the hell are we doing to each other here?"

"I don't know, I really don't know." The tears started to fall from his brown eyes. "I look at you and I get very, very confused. I see someone who I really like and I really want to know outside of this house but then I snap back and think that entire thought is weird."

"What's weird about it?"  
"I'm not gay! I'm not into guys! That's not who I am."  
"That's who I am, though. No need to make it sound gross."  
"But when I see you, Tim there's some switch that gets turned on. When I see you, everything I know is called in for questioning. Your entire existence fucks up my thinking. You make me feel things that nobody ever has."  
"I don't know how to respond to that."  
"Tell me about it. Look at this shit, you got me over here crying while you're cooler than a cucumber. You're like ice."  
"You really think so?"  
"I give you so much, way too much and what I get in return does not match my output. For goodness sake, I made the first move to cuddle with you when I barely knew you but to me, it felt right! It felt good. Every time you're not with me I feel helpless in here."  
"I.. I don't know if I can help you with your issues, Armie. I do like you and would like to get to know you outside this game but right now, this current moment we are in a game for half a million dollars and my guard is on high alert. There are too many variables in here, too much potential for things to go south at any moment."  
"I will leave this game right fucking now," he plainly stated.  
"Oh god, what are you on about now?"  
"I don't know. That's the problem with us, Tim. We don't know each other. We just know what we want to do with each other."  
"What do you want to do with me?" I asked quietly.  
"Honest answer?"  
"You're not allowed to lie to me."  
"Who says?"  
"I do."  
"I want to-"  
"Tread carefully, Armie."  
"I want to know you."  
"You can but you have to remember we're playing a game."  
"As I said, I will leave. Then, I'll wait for you until it's over and we try again."  
"Hey, look at me." I held onto his face as I dragged him over to the bed. "I don't like quitters."

He held my waist and plopped me on the bed. He pulled his shirt off and then hung over me, blowing my hair out of my face. It was as weird as it sounded.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked.  
"You didn't think it was cute?"  
"Are you all of a sudden the big bad wolf?"  
"I can be if I bite you."  
"There you go again."

He sighed and fell onto my chest. Our fingers intertwined with each other. His back was smooth unlike his hairy front, but I like body hair. I ran my free hand up and down his back until I found where he was ticklish. I wanted to liven up the moment but I couldn't even get a chuckle out of him.

"Hey," he said.  
"Hello."  
"My name is Armie and I'm currently questioning my sexuality."  
"My name is Timothée and I'm currently questioning my trust issues."


	8. Warm Ice

As she walked out of the door, with nary a vote for her to stay, my dear Olivia's parting words were an alert to everyone in the house that I needed to go. She called me a snake, a liar, a manipulator, and everyone was just my chess piece. Not exactly untrue words.

I stood against the door as if I was trying to bar her from coming back in, and, like always, watched the social interactions of the group without my influence. In typical fashion, Marzia and Simon were the first to pair off, Chiara and Angela awkwardly stood around each other making small talk while Armie and Bex, for whatever reason, spoke with their bodies. There was a lot of nodding between them, they'd look around and point and then nod. It was something I had never seen before and for the first time in this game, I was slightly worried. When did they become close enough to speak to each non-verbally and fully understand the other?

 

The HOH competition was a simple one, it was a memory game. The last people standing were myself and Chiara. I, of course, chucked my final answer thus giving the win to Chiara. I felt totally safe with her in power and this would be another week of me getting my agenda without any of the blood. As the key was placed around her neck Armie stood in front of me, arms crossed like an angry dad. I was sure he'd be over it, though. 

But something... something in the air was different. I felt an odd tension. Everyone was cheering and so extremely happy to see Chiara as the new HOH, literally everyone. Two of those cheering people would be nominated to go home so why was everyone so happy? Between Armie and Bex having a telepathic connection and Chiara suddenly being the belle of the ball was I perhaps underestimating my competition to a grave degree? 

This game had been so, so ridiculously easy for me up to this point. I got out all my immediate threats without ruffling any feathers, people were clawing over each other to be aligned with me, and I just felt as if I was in total control of the boat. There was nothing discernible insight that could shake me. I had everything planned out and I was multiple steps ahead of everyone in here. 

It was the first time I felt out of place in this house. I took to my bed and just listened to whatever idle voices would go wisp by. Armie's was the most prominent as I had grown to tune in whenever I heard his deep rumble, with a constant follow up from Bex. They were talking about their favorite movies. Turns out they were both pretty big movie buffs but I was, surprisingly, more in tune with Bex than I was with Armie. Bex had an affinity for Godard and the Coen brothers, which is such a fun pairing if you think about it. 

My mind was telling me to get up, to go join in the conversation but I had a squeaking voice in the back of my mind also telling me that it wouldn't work out. They'd placate me but eventually, I'd be pushed out of the conversation. 

This was a very uncomfortable feeling.

I rolled over to face the wall. Covers over my head and hoping I'd be able to sleep through whatever insecure feelings I was facing about my game.

 

Of course, I woke up still as a big ball of nerves. I spent most of the day in bed, Angela came to check on me earlier but I told her I was fine. No one else came to see how I was doing. Everyone else in my room: Marzia, Simon, and Bex were sound asleep. Chiara was most likely sleeping in the HOH room, Angela and Bex were confined to the smaller, but private, bedroom. I tiptoed my way outside, grabbing a bottle of beer to take with me. I despised beer but I wanted some sort of substance in me. 

The gentle humming of the drying machine was my only company out here. The air was nice and warm, it felt like I walked into someone's bosom. I took a swig of my beer and plopped down in my usual corner spot, it tasted like shit. I took another harder swig this time, this beer was wretched but I wasn't exactly in the mood to think. I didn't feel like running through scenarios, didn't feel like campaigning. 

The game had been going on a little under three weeks by this point. We have had no contact with the outside world since the game started, haven't gotten any updates on anything going on politically, we were just here in our little bubble sustaining ourselves or withering away. I felt alone. It was as if the planet had launched me out of its gravity and I was hurtling through space with no destination in sight. All my thoughts came in with startling speed, I couldn't process anything, it was all just coming to mind and disappearing just moments after arrival. 

I reached for the beer and my arm froze in place as I heard the door slide open. It was Armie. Those were his clothes in the dryer. If I knew they were his I would have turned it off. He didn't acknowledge me, though. He went straight to the machine and begun placing his hot clothes in the basket.

"Hey Armie," I said. He didn't respond, didn't even turn to look at me. "Hey!" I called, this time much louder and still nothing. "Hello! Armie! Hi!" Not even a flinch, my words, and my presence were an invisible pest stuck behind me not able to catch up. 

I took my last swig of beer and walked over to him. He grabbed his basket and made a dash back inside. I stood facing the door as it closed on my face. 

For me, the absolute worst moment of the game thus far. I felt myself crumbling, everything was so hot and uncomfortable and I could feel needles under my feet. I got back on the couch and cuddled with the nearest pillow. The tension I felt earlier in the house was genuine and now the gross realization that I caused it was written deep in all my fibers. 

I came in this house with my guns blazing. I played too hot and too fast. I thought that by taking this game into my hands it would bring me the respect and admiration of my competitors, I thought I'd be revered in here but the one person I wanted all of that from the most had just shut a door on my face after completely blowing me off. I wanted to know. I wanted to know so bad what I did and how I could make it up to him. 

My cold approach faded, it was still there, definitely, but it was now muted in the background and my emotions had taken the driver's seat. I stumbled a bit getting back into the house, that one beer did a little number on me, but accomplished my goal in one piece and dragged myself to the door separating my room from Armie's. I walked in, unannounced, as he was putting his clothes away. Angela was snoring. I was envious of that content slumber. 

"Can I talk to you please?" I asked.

At least he looked at me this time. It was a biting look, totally unphased and unamused by my question. "Please," I said in a whisper. He breezed right by me, I took a second to just wallow in his aroma. Tonight he smelled like apricot, I knew it was in his body wash because I used it when I emptied out my own. I followed him close by to keep the smell strong until we got outside. 

"What?" His arms were crossed. His voice was gruff.  
"What did I do?" I asked.  
"What did I tell you to do last night?"  
"You told me to win a competition."  
"What did you do today?"  
"I threw a competition."  
"And why did you do that, Tim?"  
"I'm selfish."  
"Nailed it. Goodnight."

He turned and I cried. I just fell to the floor and bawled my eyes out. A titanic rush of regret and sadness swarmed me, thoroughly taking me apart piece by piece until there was nothing but a wounded animal yelling out in pain. I had been holding in everything since I got in this house, treating everyone like mere pieces and overlooking the fact that the bonds I formed may have been stronger than I originally thought, or at least the bond I had with Armie. 

I don't at all think it was his intention to break me down like this but the mere idea he was this mad at me was more than enough to push me over the edge. I've spent so much of my life trying to please people, trying to make sure that everyone around was happy because if they were happy then that meant they wouldn't hurt me. My happiness has always been on the backburner simply because I made it as far as I did without ever really appreciating it. 

As quickly as this monstrous wave hit me it dissipated and I was left with the remnants of my broken shell. Embarrassing display. He probably thought I was weak, or even worse, faking the whole thing. 

"I'm sorry," I said as I composed myself and stood to face him. "I'm not doing a good job."  
"Why did you cry?"  
"I don't know, it just happened. I felt like you've been mad at me all day and you did just confirm that to me."  
"Honestly, Tim, I didn't know you could cry," his light smirk lit up my world.  
"Been a while since I've done that. Knowing you were mad at me fucked me up pretty bad."  
"I'm not buying it. You'd be totally fine in here without me."  
"Not mentally. I would collapse in here without you."  
"Why would you?"  
"I like you, Armie. I don't just like you here in this game, I... you know, I like you. I like talking to you because you make me feel nice about myself. I tend to get a little close to the deep end and every time I talk to you I get pulled back down to Earth."

"Tim, look at me." He took my face into his hands and I felt peace again, it was the first time I've felt relaxed the entire day. I took his left hand and kissed his palm, something totally out of my judgment but my clinical side could never prevail against Armie. Everything with him was real. "I got you, Tim. You know I do. But I need you to have me too."

"Are we okay?" the cliched single tear fell down and hit his palm.  
"We're okay," he said as he welcomed me back into his embrace. 


	9. Intruder Alert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothee's stream of consciousness.

If things were to fall apart would I be sad because they're over or would I be sad because they simply never existed? Every singular expression of myself in this game has been nothing but carefully constructed lies and facades and fearless victories of a boy incapable of facing a reality that hasn't been meticulously crafted under a pristine dream. I enter every room and conversation as just a blushing vacuum clearing the energy of everyone I encounter and processing it all into files with the hope of wielding it like a sword at a later time. 

His breath on my neck is a warmth that rivals the highest of heats ever achieved in this universe. I melt with each one and it's like the atoms that compose my body cease to exist. The moments are brief, zapping out into nothingness as quickly as they appear. Life ending waves crashing on the shores of the most deserted coasts.

Feelings. The worst thing to ever happen to humanity. We evolved from the remains of exploding stars in a violent sky and now all we do is worry about what other people think of us. Worrying so much that we stay up at night designing nonsensical theories to explain every action and word that we do and do not see. I myself was not immune to this, unfortunately. 

I would feel them creep in but I would tell myself to pull it together or ignore it altogether but just the act of being with Armie was enough to leave me in a state of suspended euphoria. He filled a trench of joy inside me that I had actively fought to hide away from any trespassers. His hands trailed up and down my abdomen, sometimes pushing down on my hardly existent abs. 

I placed my hand right above my crotch and waited with a still breath until his hand finally met mine. Our fingers became wrangled with each other's and the air of the room became a warm, dewy sensation on our skin as the heat rose under the covers. I slowly dragged his hand up to my neck and placed it right there, allowing him to do as he pleased next. 

An overwhelming rush of blood evaporated out of my body and I was motionless as he hand quickly tightened around my neck and I found myself pressed closer into Armie's embrace than I had ever been before. His entire body radiated a soft heat that would keep me warm for all of my days. I felt his dick smashed up against my ass and I grew erect in an instant, that combined with his overwhelming power on my neck. He rolled on top of me pushing me into the bed, his free hand falling into my back creating the perfect arch that he wanted. 

As the grip on my neck loosened it was suddenly replaced by gentle kisses, kisses that resulted in me biting down onto the pillow under me because I wanted to hide just how much I was enjoying this. My arch grew to the point where I'm sure I looked ridiculous but I was also sure Armie was quite pleased with it. He pushed down with even more pressure and I could feel that he was rock hard, a tremendous slab of meat pressed right against my aching butt begging to be penetrated. 

Cameras be damned. I wanted this and I didn't care who saw it. I slid my pants down and pulled my shirt off and felt entirely too exposed for what felt like forever. The covers flew off me and the cold air slammed against my skin like I was tossed into an ice bath. The exposure felt very weird. 

But it all vanished when my ass was greeted with Armie's heavy tongue sliding against it. The sensation sent immediate chills down my spine. I reached down to grab my cheeks and he grabbed my hands, holding me firmly in place. My toes curled as I felt more, and more, and more of his tongue sliding into my hole. In and out his tongue went. It grazed both of my cheeks. He ran it against my inner thighs. And then plunged it right back inside with me full fury. 

I had never been tongue fucked before in my life but my eyes constantly rolling back into my head and my muffled moans were enough for Armie to know that he was doing a bang up job. As fantastic as this was, however, I wanted more. I needed more. I wanted him to put me in my place, I wanted him to unravel any bitterness or distrust he had for me and I wanted it ravaged inside me. 

I pulled myself forward and flipped over to face him. His barbaric expression soothed away as my hands guided his mighty cock towards my tender, wet hole. He leaned in for a kiss, just a peck but it was our first one. I barely opened my eyes but seeing his smile was enough for me. As cute as it was, I wanted the barbarian back. 

Releasing the grip, I leaned back down onto the pillow and angled my legs onto my chest. Flexibility is one of my strong suits, I basically folded myself in half and perfectly offered my entrance to Armie. 

"No mercy," I whispered into the dark void.

I had been in the driver's seat for every moment of this game so far but this was the one time I wanted someone else to lead the way. I bit down on my lip as if I needed to suck out a venom while Armie pushed his dick inside me.

It was a lot.

My hole burned and twitched and this felt extremely uncomfortable until I felt his large balls fall against my ass and I knew he was completely submerged inside me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and enjoyed the wild ride. He pulled out about half way and then slammed the rest of his meat back inside with a force I've never experienced in my life. Each thrust seemingly more intense than the last. Each thrust pushing sounds of my mouth that I had never done before. My legs shook, my fingers trembled, each time he plunged back in me I could have sworn the cum was going to spurt out. He hardened his pace, his balls slapping against my ass wildly and the bed shaking quite violently. 

His guttural grounds were my companion as I moaned his name in harsh, unsupported breaths. It was all I could get out.


	10. Bloody Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothee's just a little bit lost.

"Shit."

I just woke up.

Tonight was the elimination night and I don't even know what happened and how I got to this point. It's like this week has just melted around me ever since Armie fucked me a few days ago. 

I never saw it coming, I didn't think I had a chance of hell, I didn't even operate like that, he was supposed to take me on a date first. But when I felt his dick just nesting on my ass I couldn't resist it. I wanted him inside me and I got that and then some.

Still, in a state of dick-induced euphoria, I swirled my tongue around two of my fingers and imagining I had Armie's meat in my mouth instead. I think my favorite part of our little adventure was when he held me by my hair and pumped three delicious, heavy loads in my mouth. His first ejaculation was absolutely ridiculous, I guess back up from being in this house so long with me making him quite horny and him not having figured out how to exhaust that sexual frustration.

But then he kept his dick in my mouth and kept fucking my face after. I was struggling for breath but the wet mixture of his seed and my saliva, and, honestly, some of his sweat gave me the green to not punk out. Shortly after I felt another few rounds of thick semen hitting the back of my throat and I could tell by his gnarled moaning that he was loving this. 

My first idea was to back up after that second round but he yanked me back into place and fucked my face up against a wall until he blew one last time. His dick was entirely in my mouth and for once, I can say that I literally got my throat coated, it was absolute heaven. I didn't touch myself the entire time, mostly because I wasn't allowed too, and yet I was doused in my own load as well.

I just remembered when his cum slid out my ass while I was in the shower with him and he took that as his cue to fuck me again. Pressed up against the wall while steaming water fell over us, loud enough to cover up my boisterous groans. He was clapping my ass like I was about to disappear from his life and there was nothing he could do to fix it. I would try to escape his clutches just for a quick break and each time I did I got pulled back and fucked even harder. The fact that he, apparently, wasn't going at full blast petrified me but also kept me hard as a brick. I loved being yanked all around that shower, I loved when his arms were tightly wrapped around my arm, and I especially loved it when he would thrust that beast balls deep inside me. I felt him in my guts.

"Get out of bed we're doing the eviction in like half an hour."

That baritone he likes to adopt around me sent flows of ice through my veins. God, this fucking man. He doesn't even know how obsessed I am with him. In a just world, I'd throw myself over him every day in our tucked away, underground home off of the Italian coast. He'd be facing our pool, which faces the sea and I'd fall onto his hairy chest while he plays with my hair. Our two dogs would be on adjacent sides of us. I know, cliche as all hell but who in their right mind doesn't want a home on the coast of Italy with a hot guy that rams their ass on a nightly basis?

Who's on the block? Who's the target? Who the hell is even still in this house? What the fuck is happening? Did he fuck me that good or is it the fact that I haven't been touched in years? Maybe a bit of both but leaning closer to the latter. I've locked myself off from affection for so long so randomly jumping into bed with men wasn't exactly up my alley but it's done now and all I can do is move forward.

"Who are you voting for?" I asked Armie.  
"Simon," he replied.

For a brief moment, I had absolutely no clue who Simon was. Then it clicked: Marzia's boy toy. I truly forgot he was even here, nice guy, though. I wonder how he got on the chopping block? Oh well, no point in that now. If that's what Armie's doing I'll follow his lead.

Okay, Tim, pull yourself together because there's still a half million prize to be claimed at the end of this. Simon's going tonight. That leaves me, Armie, Bex, Chiara, Marzia, and Angela still remaining. I have close ties to everyone here so it makes no sense to win HOH, I've thrown them all so far but I know Armie was pissed at me for not pulling my weight when it came to the competitions so maybe I'll give it some effort for once. 

The eviction went pretty smooth. Simon was booted in a unanimous vote so I guess this was a move the entire house agreed on. Marzia looked so sad without him around her.

We quickly moved outside and it was announced we were doing another endurance competition for HOH. Damn. This is something I'm good at and I'm sure Armie expects me to win this. Fine, I guess. Since I legitimately have no idea what happened this week I think it's time for me to put myself back in the driver's seat. For this competition, we were all placed facing outwards on a moving wall with a very, very small stoop for our feet. The stoop would sometimes move up and down as well as outward and inward. I have small feet so this was really no problem for me. 

Two hours went by and then it was down to myself and Angela. I knew with Angela I was completely safe. But I also knew that everyone else fully expected me to win this competition and shooting just a singular glance to Armie told me that if I threw this he was done with me. I don't want this win at all but I know I have to prove something to all the people who are aligned with me. Unfortunately, I'm aligned with everyone so this might be the week I get some blood on my hands. I never wanted that. I wanted to be the one pulling all the strings and never catching any heat for it but all my double-dealing had finally roared back at me. I had to dip my hands in the mess for once.

"Honestly," I started, "Angela, I could be up here all night." She looked exhausted, her hair was all over the place and lined with sweat. I, on the other hand, was chilling.  
"Good, I'm out."

Everyone cheered. I stood there doing that smile people do at other people when they recognize each other but don't want to actually speak. 

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.


	11. Bamboozled!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I actually fully abandoned this fic but I got pretty stoned earlier and got an idea, this is my segue into reviving this story!

Just a few hours removed from being HOH and man, I'm still pissed off I won that competition. I'm not supposed to win shit in here, that was never the plan. I'm supposed to throw everything and get all these idiots in the house to do my bidding. That's exactly how things had been going the past several weeks and yet here I am about to finally have to show my hand and no matter what I do someone is going to get fucked. 

Why did I have to align myself with everyone in here? Fuck, maybe I've been playing this all wrong the entire time. The puppetmaster rarely wins these things, goddamn, goddamn I really dropped the ball. Nonetheless, I have to escape this week with the least amount of shit thrown my way, I need chaos in here... I need to kick up some dust in this house. That way everyone would be too busy screaming and flailing their arms to know what was actually happening. 

I strolled outside to see Armie sitting in the corner of the couch, my usual spot, looking pretty drunk. I let him have my bottle of wine that was in my HOH basket and me thinks he took care of it by his lonesome. He spotted me the moment I came out the door and I froze, the sight of him under that warm light drove me crazy. His shirt half opened and that beautifully tan chest in a magnificent display, that sunkissed brown hair swooped back giving full display to one of the most alluring faces I've ever seen. God, I want to suck the skin off his dick.

At this point, it had now been a full week since Armie and I fucked, and we still had yet to talk about it. Or maybe we did and I can't even remember because he basically banged my brains out. My least favorite part about it, though, was everyone in here commenting on my limp. Whenever he was around to hear it he'd smirk at me and nobody else would catch it but I did and I hated him for it. Arrogant little shit.

"Hey Tim Tam," he spewed out in typical drunk fashion. "Come sit with me."  
"O M G, like, Pam! You're so wasted!" I replied in the fakest valley girl voice I could muster.  
"Alright it's comedy hour," he rolled my insult into his own wasted stupor, enjoying himself far more than me.

"Calm down there," I said patting his leg. He patted mine in return until his pats slowed to a gentle rub. It felt good.  
"I am calm," his voice was much deeper now and relaxed, maybe he wasn't as drunk as I thought. "Are you good?"  
"I'm fine," I responded. I had since stopped patting his leg.  
"Then give me a kiss," he leaned in.  
"No thank you," but I leaned back. "We've done enough I think."  
"Have we, Tim? I think we could do more, we could be more, too."

My heart sank, sank so far that I felt like it was dragging me to the center of the Earth. This lugnut of a man was wasted off his ass and now I was about to get the stupid, drunk version that I hoped never existed. I want these words, and he probably knows how bad I want them but not when he's under the influence. There's no clearheadedness to it and for me, that ruins the entire thing. I don't want it.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I trembled.  
"Oh, what could I have possibly do you, oh great one?"  
"You know what you did. I let you have me and now I feel so off, it's like everything is blurred by like 1% or something. It's all still there but the picture is just slightly weird and it's driving me wild."  
"Good lord you're so dramatic now," he said while holding my face in his hands. That had developed into being his calming technique, he'd do it whenever I started getting worked up and having him hold me like that made me feel like I was far reaches away from any of my problems. "What's going on? Why do you feel this way?"  
"I don't want to talk about it," I tried turning away but he kept me in place.  
"That's the worst thing you could do. Stop bottling all this shit up dude just let it out."

My mouth instantly went dry and my tongue damn near shriveled up and fell down my throat. Speaking of which, where does the tongue even stop? I need to remember to look that up once I get out of this house. Where was I? Oh yeah, trying to irrationally skip over the fact that I had fallen for Armie, completely spun up and trapped like an idiot mosquito in the spider's web. It was all real on my part and I needed it to be real on his as well or I just tanked my entire game. I have to come back down to earth, I absolutely have to come back down to earth.

But my always welcome anxiety was through the roof now! How did I let myself get torn up over some douchebag, possibly gay or experimental guy who I never met before this? I came in here to win some money to pay off my student loans and also play a game I've been watching on television for years. I'm the type of person I would angrily scream at when watching because this exact situation is the dumb shit that I hate. I'm still not fucking calm either!

"Take a deep breath," Armie's masterful baritone seeped into my ears. "We have to talk about nominations!"

Like a bull shooting out of its gate that's when my eyes popped and I felt like the calm and removed Timothee I was when I first walked into this house. Armie wasn't trying to comfort me as a person, he just wanted to shake my head up enough that I was easier to influence. That could be a wrong assessment but in a game for half a million I don't think it would be wise for me to take a chance on that. 

"That's right," I said coming back to life. "Who are you thinking?" I asked him.  
"Well," he hesitated like he wanted me to say a name first. "I think it's time to give Angela the boot. Not sure who we could put next to her."  
"Someone that could stay," I replied.  
"Anyone you have in mind?" his voice, finally, truly sounded sober.   
"I'm open to suggestions," I don't think he intended for me to pick up on the clarity of his words.  
"Are you not thinking of anyone or do you just want me to say it?"  
"I just want to know where you head's at," I said leaning into him with a smile.  
"Maybe Angela and Chiara would be good. Marzia on the block is too risky."

Marzia on the block would be dangerous since we did just send out her closest friend, Simon. She would go on a rampage in here. Chiara was the previous HOH, so technically she's the one responsible for getting Simon out of here, he was up against Angela but she managed to shift the target on him, which was pretty savvy seeing as how he was quite a well-liked player. But maybe she was able to use his social status against him. He had far more goodwill in this house, nobody in here seemed really too fond of Angela beside me.

Angela going would actually be a disaster for my game and I'm quite close to Chiara as well so me putting those two on the block would screw me. I ran the scenarios in my head and kept coming to the conclusion that Angela and Chiara on the block would only work out for Armie. If Angela goes, that's one less person in here who would almost certainly take me to the end and that's also one less I can confidently say I can win against. If Chiara goes then I've lost a trustworthy number in my pocket. In both cases, I'd need Armie to be my shield because I essentially torpedoed two of my alliances. 

It's a smart angle for him to play but the dick spell had finally worn off.

"What do you think of Angela and Bex on the block?"  
"Bex?" He waved off the idea. "That would be not too good I think, Tim."  
"Why?"  
"He could win the veto! Somehow get himself off that block and then you'd end up having to nominate Chiara anyway so now she and Bex would be on your ass next week. You can't touch Bex."  
"Oh yeah, I didn't even think of that."

His words had the flow of a man with a studied agenda. We spent a good amount of time outside running through plays and my main takeaway was how all my ideas were shot down but he'd always have a suggestion for me. He had suggestions for this week, the next week, the week after and everything in between. It was Armie, Bex, and myself to the end and then whatever happens happens.

Bex had usurped me with Armie, he managed to squeeze in between us when I was the one who originally pulled him into orbit in the first place. I let Armie do most of the speaking for the rest of the night as I pooled everything he said and I knew it was the dust I was looking for to set this house ablaze. 

"Sounds like a good plan, Tim?"   
"A great plan," I replied. "And let the best man win."

Neither of our smiles was genuine. But did he know I was on to him?


	12. Friendly Fire

"If I nominate them I need you girls to have my back," I was shaking at this point.  
"We got you, Tim," Angela cheered on.  
"This is hellweek," I started. "It's double eviction. One of you three has to win that next HOH and then it's just the four of us in here."

After my talk with Armie earlier I no longer felt as comfortable with him as I did before. I felt like I had been played or maybe he did like me and just decided to put that on the backburner to keep his own game going strong. Or, and what I think is highly likely, is just me making up shit in my head and assuming it to be totally true. 

"Things are going to be tense as fuck in here," Chiara piped in. "We have to make sure neither of them wins the veto competition either."  
"I'm not crazy worried about it," I replied. "But you're right, no more sandbagging it."

Later on, nominations time. I placed the wheel down onto the much smaller kitchen table and the poisonous butterflies flapping around in my stomach were on high alert. I pulled Angela's key first, that was my first shot at Armie and letting him know that if he thought I was going to be his puppet in here then he was seriously off the mark. She pulled Chiara's key next and I felt daggers immediately hit me. Armie's expression was of utter disbelief, he looked more hurt and shocked than any amount of betrayed and angry. Chiara pulled Marzia's key after that leaving Armie and Bex as the only people with no keys, thus they would be the nominees for eviction this week.

Bex was fuming, his face already a flushed red and furiously tapping his fingers on the table. Armie's eyes were low and all the cheer I had ever seen on him was lost to memories. I closed out the nomination ceremony and Angela immediately pulled me into the living room, away from the craziness that was starting to brew in the kitchen.

Chiara and Bex were already going toe to toe, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Calling each other liars, manipulators, puppets, all kinds of shit. She insisted that he was a snake and needed to go while he flipped it back on her insulting her for flirting and insinuating that's how she was outside this house. After a few minutes I decided to just tune them out, surprisingly neither of them dropped my name so I think they had deeper issues with each other instead of anything I could do. 

"I'm nervous," I whispered to Angela.  
"So am I," she opened up for a hug. "I've got you to the end," she hushed back at me.  
"Likewise."

Depending on how this week turns out I do think Angela is my best bet for who to go to the end with. I can confidently say I've carried her to where she is now, I've made much stronger social connections and I've existed beyond this one alliance. Anyone she is tied to now is because of me so, essentially, I've played two games in this house so far. Keeping myself alive as well as keeping Angela alive. I'm pretty sure I could beat Chiara too but she's a little too flamboyant in her gameplay, she likes to ruffle feathers for sure but she can be on the fickle side. I also think I could beat Marzia but I know she already has a couple of people in the jury house that would blindly vote for her so I don't want to risk anything by having her with me. Bex... needs to leave this house this week so he's out. That just leaves Armie, the one person in here who I wanted to go with to the end more than anyone else but I have a sneaking suspicion he could potentially massacre me if we were the final two in here. He's the biggest question mark in here. 

"Have you seen Armie?" I asked Angela while surveying the rooms nearby.   
"He went outside after the nominations."  
"Oh, no wonder I didn't hear him in that screaming match. Do you think I should go talk to him?"  
"Would you get anything out of doing that?"  
"Probably not but we were really good friends in here and you know Angela..." I paused, very unsure of how much about him I should spill. "I would have done anything for him. I just felt something was a little askew and that's really the only reason I nominated him."  
"Really?" She reclined back into the couch, obscenely shocked with what I said.  
"He's been my biggest ally here since the game started and I just flipped on him with basically no warning. I'm really surprised he hasn't taken my head off yet."  
"I had no idea you two were so close. What made you guys so close?"  
"We just clicked," I said staring at the door outside, hoping Armie would come into view. "He somehow always took me out of the game and made me feel like I could be human."  
"What did you guys talk about?"  
"Life. Conversations seemed to float between us, we would sit outside for hours just talking and we'd never understand how we got to certain topics but that was what made it so enjoyable. I've never had someone like that, someone I can just talk with."  
"You don't want him to leave do you?"  
"How can you tell?"  
"You started smiling as soon as you talked about him," she replied.

Fuck. She was right. It would absolutely kill me if Armie left this house. I needed that man here even if it was bad for my game, I would not be able to cope if the one thing keeping me grounded walked out the door due to my own actions. I know what I was doing was unorthodox but for Armie, I was holding out a little sliver of hope that the words and feelings we had were genuine. 

"Thanks for not screaming at me," I called to Armie as I stepped outside. He was rocking by his lonesome on the hammock. All he had on was a pair of shades and neon green shorts, his body looked fucking ridiculous with the sun beaming down on that golden tan skin. "Now fuck me," I thought to myself as I strolled over.  
"Thanks for- oh wait, nevermind!" He tossed his hands up but his laugh seemed real.  
"It's a little awkward right now."  
"How would you know? You're the only person in here who hasn't been nominated."  
"That's the plan."  
"Well, if I survive this week you can bet your ass I'm returning the favor."  
"Wow!" I fake gasped. "Can't believe you would do that to me of all people?"  
"Are you supposed to be someone of significance?"  
"I mean, am I not?" He knew what I was hinting at with that loaded question.  
"You are. Or, rather, maybe you were. I'm still processing you nominating me."  
"Alright, I'll leave you be, then. Again, thanks for not screaming."  
"I didn't say go," he replied. "Sit in the hammock with me?"

With no hesitation I snuggled right under him in the hammock, my face only slightly removed from his hairy armpit which smelled heavenly. Armie always had a knack for smelling totally fresh regardless of the time of the day or what activity he had just done. It was one of my favorite features about him.

"So how significant am I?" I asked.  
"For one, you're the only guy I've ever cuddled, kissed, or had sex with."  
"You want to hear something crazy?"  
"Sure I do."  
"Okay," I was going to start at the height of ridiculousness and see how he would react to it. "Bex told me... what was it like a week or two ago that I should be more careful around you." That was a lie, the conversation I'm referencing with Bex never happened but I'm going to use it to hopefully pull the truth out of Armie.  
"He told me the same thing about you," he replied. "He said you're just pulling my strings and making me do the work for you and you did the same thing. How you forced him to not use the veto on Olivia and you thought he was stupid. I mean, none of that is stuff that I'm unaware of but I never thought you were using me."  
"I have never used you in here are you joking?"  
"I just said I never thought that."  
"Oh," I breathed a sigh of relief. "Sorry."  
"Why did you nominate me, Tim?" There was a peculiar sadness to his tone that I don't think was put on in any form.  
"After we had sex... I felt weird," I was struggling to find words. "It felt like we did it and then you kind of disappeared. Or I was just in a really heightened state and you didn't do anything to relax me. I felt like I was a leaf getting tossed around a forest floor. It was like I was in the void, you know? And everyone could see me and hear me but nobody would grab me."  
"I don't quite understand. Did you not want to do that? Do you feel I crossed some lines?"  
"No, no. It was great, I really wanted you to do that and I really want you to do it again, but for me... sex is really intimate and there were a lot of emotions. It's like you worked me into that frenzy and then left me to fend for myself is what I'm trying to say."  
"To tell you the truth, I felt a little weird about it myself," his voice graveled through my ears. "It just happened out of nowhere, we didn't work ourselves up to it we just got wasted and did it."  
"Exactly," I responded.  
"So," he turned to me, his shades nesting atop his hair. "Is this your disgusting way of trying to do it again?" His smile radiated.  
"Oh my goodness," I couldn't help but smile back. "Don't get me wrong, I do want it but-"  
"But nothing," he leaned over me so much I all but disappeared underneath. "Upstairs, now."

My entire body shuddered because fuck yes I wanted this. The shitty thing is, though, I'm still wrestling with my own emotions and not knowing what's real versus what's just a plague upon my mind. That's the weird thing about life, and no one ever tries to help anyone with that or teach it or whatever. We, as people, have all these ideas and constructs about other people that we have crafted and after a while, that line between what's real and what's just an idea becomes so blurred that we're always just taking a swing to miss. Do I think Armie is playing me? I do. Why? Oh, all because of subtle changes in body language? In his tone? I've only known him for a few weeks and it's only been in this house, he could be a totally different person outside of here.

All I know is that I like him. I like him so much that I smile every time I think or talk about him, I like him so much that I make it my mission to be near him as much as possible, I like him so much that I am completely willing to torpedo my game so we can have sex. I'm willing to do things that make not a goddamn lick of sense and I'm okay with that. Is that what people do when they have feelings for someone? Is having feelings cause people to toss out their judgment and intuition and live day by day on nothing more than hope? I hate this, I hate everything about this but Armie does things to me that I don't understand. 

"Well, yes or no?" He asked, snapping me back to reality.  
"I'll pass," I replied.

He smiled back and planted a kiss on my forehead. We fell back into our cuddle positions and enjoyed the quietness around us for once.

"So, Tim,"  
"Yea?"  
"You do know we're dead, right?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I still like you, no doubt about it but in this game, our alliance is done for."  
"Oh, I figured as much."  
"Were you playing me the whole time?"  
"No. Armie I pretty much worship the ground you walk on but I forgot that we're playing this game. I nominated you because I needed to set myself straight back on course."  
"That's cool, that's cool."  
"Are you gunning for me now?"  
"1000%. I won't rest until I send your ass to that jury."  
"Not if I beat you to the punch."  
"So," he leaned up. "No hard feelings and no hitting below the belt, deal?"

We shook on it but remained in that hammock for another hour or so, rocking with the breeze. The douchebag ended up falling asleep on me.


	13. Convictions

"I bet you must feel so proud of yourself," Bex remarked as he entered my room. 

We were about to start the veto competition and he pulled me in here wanting to have our first chat since I nominated him alongside Armie. I knew this was going to be a tricky talk because early in the game I told Bex I'd have his back, I went out of my way to form an alliance with him and I was the first one to flip. In his eyes, and the eyes of anyone who knew we were working together I was a full-on backstabber.

"It wasn't an easy decision for me Bex and you have to know it," I wasn't too sure of exactly how I was going to wiggle my way out of this. I've been lying and scheming to everyone in here but now that I actually had some blood on my hands I was damn near foaming at the mouth.   
"You did what you thought was best and for once in this game, you were right," where the fuck did this smug attitude come from? "Armie and I were both going to cut you sooner ran than later so be happy you beat us to the punch."  
"That's why I didn't feel too about nominating you then," I returned the smugness back.  
"Neither of us were going to take you to the end."  
"Likewise."  
"Thanks for taking the heat off of us, though. Now you're the liar in here."  
"I haven't lied anymore than anyone else in here, Bex. And, to be honest, this little intimidation tactic, or an attempt really, is lame. I'm not impressed."  
"That's not even what I was trying to do," his tone was much calmer and serene now. "Just wanted to tell you it was a sharp move and good luck in the veto competition and I hope you won't hold any grudges against me."  
"Why do I hold a grudge against you?"  
"Maybe because I'm the one that got Armie drunk and wound up enough to fuck you?"  
"Houseguests!" Julie Chen's robotic voice boomed through the speakers throughout the house. "It is now time for the veto competition!"

I felt my feet sink into the ground and could do nothing more than watch silently as Bex triumphantly walked past me and disappeared out of the room. It never made any sense to me as to what made Armie jump so many steps forward and fuck me so the idea that it was just alcohol and Bex on his mind makes it all the more disgusting. It is... disgusting, right? So why do I still want him to do it again? I can't seriously be that fucking starved for intimacy, can I? 

I think that's what hurt me the most about it. Not that it was because Armie was drunk and heavily pushed by Bex but because I was told all of that and was scouring my brain to come up with any reason that it wasn't a big deal. I've given my entire life to my studies, it's all I know. I don't have any friends outside of this house, all the family I have is a dad who use to look at me in repulsion and now he can hardly recognize me. 

Being in this house for so long with so many vast stretches of downtime really forced me to live in my mind and I was greeted to some thoughts that were dormant for years, thoughts I simply shut down with ridiculous equations and scientific theories. All these thoughts were now free to roam, they had no competition. We've been in this game for so long, 10 weeks I believe, and there's just a little under 2 weeks left. Then we go back. I go back into the real world and I have to face everything I've done in here and the very real effect it's going to have on me outside. Will Armie be around for that?

"Please, Tim, throw one more," Armie pleaded to me. 

We were the last two in the veto competition. We all wore sumo costumes and had to basically fight each other to remain within the circle. The last person in the circle was the winner. I was absolutely exhausted, my hair and face were drenched in sweat and I can't even imagine there was a dry spot on my body seeing as to how I was wearing a thirty-pound suit in the boiling sun. Armie wasn't faring much too better but I can't lie, I wanted to lick the sweat off his lips. Bet if he was drunk enough he'd let me do it since apparently, that's all it takes.

"Go fuck yourself!" I blurted out far more angry than I planned.  
"The hell is your problem?"  
"You are. You've been playing me from the start, haven't you? Stop lying to me!" I was tired of the pretending, I was tired of the distrust, and I was just tired of everything else.

This game was tearing me apart in ways I never even dreamt of, this wasn't a good place for me mentally. I came in here as a complete fabrication, I thought I could shut off all emotions and puppet-master my way to the end but I was just so damn exhausted. I've been watching this game for years and had no idea how much of a toll it takes on a person's mind.

"I told you," Armie slowly walked back to the ring's edge. "I told you a long time ago I would leave this game for you," his smile was adorable. "If that's what it takes to get you to believe me again."

I won the veto competition. He gave up the veto just so I would believe him. I've been spending so much of this game inspecting everyone's words and actions trying to hunt down an ulterior motive and it's done nothing but create chaos in my brain. Armie didn't want any part of that, he barely had a grasp on what was happening between us, same as me, but I can't accurately say he's done anything nefarious in here. Has he lied to me? I'm sure he has, that's the name of the game. I'm sure he's made alliances without me and has plenty of deals without me and he's probably aware of some plans that could have involved me getting the boot.

Yet, on a personal level, he's been nothing short of perfection. He was hilarious, he was infectiously charming, he was kind, and he had a such a quick wit it would leave me breathless. I loved being around him more than anyone else in here and the time I spent with him provided me the unwind that my mind so desperately craved. I had to stop. I had to just breathe and stop trying to control this one thing. If I wanted to make it with Armie I would have to trust him.

I stood with my head held high as the veto necklace was placed on my neck. I turned to Armie and smiled, assuring him that he was okay. I felt a conviction wash over me stronger than anything I've ever felt in this game before. I would wrangle Armie back into my good graces and it was him and I against everyone else. And if that doesn't work, then we're going down swinging.


End file.
